Not Matt Damon, Scene A-1: Hospital, Therapy Session 1

Note**: This is where the idea and story of ‘Not Matt Damon’ begins.  I thought I would put the previous scenes on this blog to provide context for the scene I first posted.  Everything starting here leads up to that.  In this scene, we begin with Matthew Damensen (Matt Damon) and Joseph Koblinzski (John DiMaggio)…

 

Scene A-1:

Hospital, Therapy session 1:

 

Matthew: So, how are you Joseph?

Joseph [Looks at Matthew]: That’s not my name. My name is Matt Damon. Say it. Matt. Damon.

Matthew: Okay, we’re starting off on the wrong foot here. I’m Matthew, and…what’s your name?

Joseph:  I’m Matt Damon.

Matthew: Okay…Hi, Matt.

Joseph: Hello, how are you?

Matthew: Okay, so…why do you believe you’re Matt Damon?

Joseph: Isn’t it obvious? Because I AM Matt Damon!

Matthew: Listen…maybe…is it possible you’re not Matt Damon, at any point in your day, do you ever think, I might not be Matt Damon?

Joseph: Do you ever think, I’m not Matthew? So why would I think I’m not Matt Damon?

Matthew: But, you don’t mean…THE Matt Damon, do you?

Joseph: There are no other Matt Damons. There is only me. Matt Damon.

Matthew: So, okay, let’s try something else. What movies were you in?

Joseph: What, you haven’t seen my movies? You’re, you’re not here for an autograph?

Matthew: I’m here to talk to you, Jo–Matt. About you.

Joseph: See, there you go again. You almost called me Joe. But I’m not–did you ever see ‘The Adjustment Bureau’? With me, Matt Damon?

Matthew [smiles]: Uh…you know, I don’t really watch a lot of movies.

Joseph: Well, you should. Why don’t we watch it now?

Matthew: Mr. Koblinzski, I’m not here to watch movies with you. I’m here to help you.

Joseph: Well, did you bring a DVD player? That’d help!

Matthew: So…let’s get off the subject of movies, then. What if I told you that you’re not Matt Damon? What would you do?

Joseph:   If you can prove to me that I’m not Matt Damon, I will change my name to Joseph Koblinzski. Okay? I will change my name.

Matthew [takes out picture of Matt Damon]: Let’s look at this picture. Who is this?

Joseph: Matt Damon.

Matthew [takes out picture of Joe]: And who is this?

Joseph: Well that’s not Matt Damon.

Matthew: …  This is what you look like. This is your picture. So are you Matt Damon?

Joseph: This is not what I look like. You already showed me what I look like, because I am Matt Damon. Is something wrong with you?  Why would you come here and show me a picture of some guy and try to tell me I look like him? Huh? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

Matthew: Look, we just need to calm down—

Joseph: I AM CALM! YOU LOST CONTROL! YOU DID! NOT ME!

Matthew: I’m just trying to—

Joseph: I know what you’re trying to do! It won’t work! You can’t lie to me! I know the truth! I AM MATT DAMON! I AM MATT DAMON!! AAGH!

Matthew: Okay, we’re done. Let’s get him out of here.

Joseph: AAAAGH! I AM MATT DAMON!!! I AM MATT DAMOOON!!

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