Not Matt Damon, Scene A-5: On the road

Chris [returning to the real Matt Damon’s car]: Matt? How did you get back so quickly? I thought you wanted alone time.

Matt: What?

Chris: I swear to you there was a man at the gas station who looked just like you.

Matt: You kidding me?

Chris: No, sir.

Matt: And you thought this…random schmuck was me.

Chris: I…I did, sir–he, he looked just like you.

Matt: Let’s think about this, Chris. Does…Matt Damon…go into gas stations?

Chris: …No, sir.

Matt: Is Matt Damon a legend? By all possible accounts?

Chris: Yes, sir.

Matt: So is there some reason you believe you saw a legend in a dump down the road, when you left this greatness by the car?

Chris: Sir, I—

Matt: Okay. You’ve said enough. Let’s get this car fixed and get out of here. Before you hallucinate again. Who am I?

Chris: You’re Matt Damon, sir.

Matt: I’m Matt Damon. Confusion, Chris, belongs to lesser men. Matt Damon…has never known it.

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