Not Matt Damon, Scene U-2: Matthew Damensen’s Home, Morning

[A knock on the door. Matt Damon opens it, wearing a green high school basketball jersey with ‘Damensen’ written on the back.]

Matt: Emily! Hey! What are you doing here?

Emily: You know why I’m here, Matthew. We go to the gym together every Thursday.

Matt [going along with it]: Right. Of course. I was just about to go for a run myself…

Emily: But you never run, Matthew.

Matt: At the gym. On a treadmill. I’m…ready to go. [He sees she’s not buying it.] You know what? You got me. I was going to cancel today, it—must have slipped my mind. I was going to call you and let you know, but, here you are, so, I’m letting you know. You know I always want to be honest with you.

Emily: Are you sure you’re alright?

Matt: Uh, yeah, yeah. I’ve just been, um, under a lot of stress at work lately. You know those days you have, when you feel, I don’t know, not quite yourself?

Emily: Well, at least we know you’re not Matt Damon, right? [laughs]

Matt [laughing]: Right! Ha! Yeah, not that one. He’s definitely in need of a shrink these days. And me, I am a shrink, so…

Emily [pointing at him, still smiling]: Hey, maybe he can be your client, huh?

Matt: Yeah! [Laughing] Wouldn’t that be hilarious?

Emily: Speaking of work, when are you going back to the office?

Matt: In awhile. I took some time off. I may just move on to another practice, you know? It’s…ah, I don’t want to go into it.

Emily: Seriously? Does Jason know?

Matt: Well, he’s been worried about me, but pretty busy, so…we haven’t chatted in awhile.

Emily: Well, since you’re on vacation, maybe we should invite him out sometime. We could go see that movie you were telling me about awhile back. What was it? The, uh, M—

Matt: Monuments Men.

Emily: –Yeah, with um, who’s in that?

Matt: Uh, George Clooney, John Goodman, uh, yeah—it’s a pretty solid cast.

[Emily stares at him. Matt stares back until he becomes uncomfortable.]

Matt [trying to distract Emily from the realization of who else is in The Monuments Men]: So are we dating Jason now? Dinner and a movie?

Emily [frowning]: Excuse me?

Matt: I’m just—why so interested in inviting him?

Emily: He’s your best friend. Matthew, I thought that would be fine. We’ve done it a million times before.

Matt: Have you now? What, specifically, have ‘we’ done a million times before? Are you seeing him now?

Emily [scoffs]: Well, I just might start, the way you’re talking to me. He’s single, after all, and I know he would appreciate me.

Matt [smiling in an almost creepy way]: But not like I do.

Emily [backing away]: Matthew…you’re scaring me. You’re hurting me, and this isn’t like you.

Matt [seeming to enjoy the moment, he shrugs]: Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe I just want a one-man woman. Is that so terrible?

Emily [gasps]: If that’s—ugh! Goodbye, Matthew! [Her voice quivers.] I can’t believe you! I– [She shakes her head, puts a hand to her face, and rushes away.]

Matt [smiling as he watches her go, says pleasantly]: Bye!

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