Not Matt Damon, Scene U-7: Matthew’s Room at Hospital, Session #4

Ben: Mr. Damon, how are you today?

Matthew: …Fine.

Ben: So you’re okay with me calling you Mr. Damon?

Matthew: At this point, Doctor, clearly that’s the only option.

Ben: Matt, I can’t force you to be Matt Damon. You have to actually want that for yourself. I can only do so much of the work here, Matt. You have to understand that.

Matthew (sighing): I understand.

Ben: You know what baffles me, in all of this? No one has come to inquire about you—not the press, no other celebrities, no one. It’s like no one knows you’re here—or no one cares.

Matthew: Well, Matt Damon isn’t exactly the kind of guy people like, now, is he?

Ben: Oh, come on, no need for the self-pity, Matt. We’ll need to work on that. But…I almost don’t want to say this, but I’m beginning to wonder if the story about you being Matthew might be true.

Matthew: Right. What is it, April 1st? Some kind of April Fools joke or something?

Ben: Well, it is coincidentally April 1st. But I’m not joking. You see, I looked up some celebrity news recently and there are reports that you’ve been seen going for a run at Magruder Park. The story goes that there were no pictures because, apparently, Gerard Butler showed up and confiscated the reporters’ cameras and cell phones. There’s no proof beyond the report, but…they say he looked just like you.

Matthew [looking hopeful]: And?

Ben: Well, there’s a problem. You see, this man denied that he was Matt Damon, although he appears to have fooled Gerard Butler. But then, how hard could that be?

Matthew: I wouldn’t know.

Ben: It’s beside the point anyway, and it was rhetorical. The point is, there is at least some truth to your story, and this may well prove it. There is someone out there who looks just like you. Given that that’s the case, it is at least possible he could try to assume your identity.

Matthew: Exactly.

Ben: But he didn’t. He didn’t, Matt. In fact, this guy claimed his name was—according to Gerard Butler—Matthew Damensen. The same name you claim to have. To my surprise, this Matthew actually works here at this hospital, but he’s been on leave for awhile. What a strange coincidence. Do you know what this means for you, though?

Matthew: What?

Ben: That the more likely possibility is that you are Matt Damon, and he is Matthew Damensen. Clearly, you can’t have escaped this hospital, and I’m pretty sure Matthew lacks the skill in hand-to-hand combat to take out four security guards.

Matthew [scoffs]: Matt Damon is an actor! He’s not Jason Bourne! He’s not “SuperStu”! It’s all stunt work, choreographed so no one gets hurt!

Ben: Well, a lot’s been said about you, Matt, but I’m surprised at your modesty. I really am.

Matthew: D—Are you delusional? What, do you think movies are real?!

Ben: Of course they’re real. They’re sold in stores all over the world. So now you think movies aren’t real.

Matthew: That’s not what I meant! You know that’s not what I meant!

Ben: Then why did you say it? Matt, there’s a reason you’re sitting there and I’m sitting here. Now how you got fixated on this Matthew person, I don’t know. That’s a mystery. But at least you’re in a place where you can get some help.

[Matthew starts breathing heavily, enraged.]

Ben: If I had to guess? The fame finally got to you. The cameras in your face all the time, the gold-digging supermodels hovering around—not that all supermodels are like that, but surely at least they’ve got daddy issues. How’s your wife, by the way? Did you want to call her or anything? Anyway, you want a break from all that. You want a normal job, a normal, ordinary-looking wife or girlfriend, normal friends you didn’t meet at some fancy party. You just want to be that kid who didn’t co-write Good Will Hunting and didn’t steal from Andy Garcia’s casino. Am I hitting close to the mark yet?

Matthew [starting to cry]: I was wrong. I shouldn’t have told you I wanted to be Matt Damon, because I don’t. I can’t be him. Why won’t you believe I’m not Matt Damon? Why? That’s why he did this to me. That’s why. And now I’m stuck here, because he didn’t just retire and go somewhere. He’s sick, Ben. He’s sick. You’ve got to help him.

Ben: And we will, Matt. We’ll find him. And we’ll help him. I feel like you’re ready now, to accept the help. This has been a really good session, Matt. I know it feels like pain now, but that pain is progress. [He smiles compassionately.] We’re done for today, Matt. Take it easy.

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