Not Matt Damon, Scene U-10: Clean Getaway

[The Cola truck pulls into a large garage. A man wearing a hat pulled down over his eyes walks up. Chris gets out of the truck and starts taking off the Cola uniform.]

Chris: Thank you.

Mystery Man: We’re even now, so no gratitude required. Did you get him out?

Chris: I did. No casualties.

Mystery Man: Good.

Chris: But…the driver is still out in the back. I marked the spot where I neutralized him. [Chris hands the man a folded map.]

Mystery Man: Alright, let’s get Matt out. Then I’ll go.

[They go to the back of the truck, open it, then climb into the trailer. They open the soda machine, and Matthew and Emily climb out.]

Mystery Man: Here. [He throws some clothes to Matthew.] Won’t do to have you wearing a soda uniform. [Looks at Emily] And I take it you’re the wild card here. Nice work.

Emily: Thanks. [Looks at him closer] Wait, are you—

Chris: The less you know, the better.

[Mystery Man gets in the truck, starts it, and drives off.]

Chris: Let’s get out of here. We’ll go to my safe house. From there, we can make a plan to deal with Matthew Damensen once and for all.

[Matthew, dressed now in a blue shirt and khakis, swallows hard, looking awkward.]

Matthew: Uh, maybe we should…go to his place. See if he left any clues behind as to his next move.

Chris: No. He could return there at any time. It would be too dangerous. To put a stop to this madness, we need to do it publicly. Matthew won’t be able to resist maintaining the Matt Damon persona, so he’ll have to show up at a major event.

Emily: So does he have any movies out soon? Award shows?

Chris: Hmm. … There’s the Here’s Baby Too premiere in two weeks. That should give us more time to prepare. [He looks at Matthew.] I can get you into the premiere, but after that, you’ll go it alone. Only you can stop Matthew from stealing your life. This is your battle. I cannot interfere.

Matthew: Well, what do you want me to do, arrest him? I’m not a cop. Who’s even going to believe this story? It’s crazy enough to land us all in an asylum.

Chris: I know. But I heard it said once that you never know what a man is like until you fight him. If I’m right, Matthew will have had no combat training. That should give you the advantage.

Matthew [looks around, feeling awkward again]: Right. Good point. So then why do we need to prepare?

Chris: Because I could be wrong. We don’t know how long he’s been planning this or what skills he may have acquired along the way.

Matthew: Not as many as you’d think. I mean, odds are he’s just trading on his looks and maybe can’t fight any better than a guy who just watches fights on TV.

[Chris and Emily look at Matthew. Matthew feels even more uncomfortable.]

Matthew: It’s just a hunch. I don’t know. Either way, I guess it’s back to the gym for me, huh?

Chris: Matt…[shakes his head in dismay] what have they done to you?

Matthew: What? What do you mean?

Chris: The gym? A public gym?

Matthew [about to nod in realization, he stops himself]: What? No. I wouldn’t be caught dead in there. It’s…been awhile? Since I’ve seen your gym, Chris? Too long, really. I feel out of shape. Maybe we can get in a few practice rounds before the big day, eh?

Chris [becoming emotional]: I thought you’d never ask, sir. Thank you. May I…may I have a hug, sir?

Matthew [frowning]: What? No. No. Too far.

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