Welcome to the Lars (A Rap)

Welcome to the Lars
No dreamin’ of the stars
It’s your uncle talkin’
This is all that you are

Twin sunsets drop down
We’re twin suspects
Our stepmom disappeared–
Let’s change the subject
Doing deals with Jawas
For the spare parts
While the tombstones line up
In front of our front yard
It’s about the water
On this moisture farm
And the mindless monsters out there
About to get harmed
Thirty of us went out after them
Didn’t get far
Twenty-six heads on the ground
And then a leg gone
It’s ruthless–Hutts run the planet
And the slavery
Endless global warming’s
The reward for your bravery
Oh, look!
You got a bad motivator!
Tryin’ to push on us
All these bad rappin’ flavors!
Well, that one’s pricey, but–
What about that blue one?
He could be fixed up nicely
With a glue gun

Welcome to the Lars
No dreamin’ of the stars
It’s your uncle talkin’
This is all that you are

Look who’s fresh back
From the Clone Wars
Your fool idealistic crusade
What was it good for?
You were a killer and a liar
In the service of the killers and liars
With the worst ruling an Empire
So while you’re busy
Serving your ideals
I’m busy trying to figure out
My next meal, I’ll keep it real
My brother could’ve farmed
Instead of making an orphan
With midichlorians
Inside his cells like endorphins
Waitin’ to read our thoughts
To find stuff that we lost
To waste time with his friends
And dream about leaving jobs
Unfinished
Look, I don’t mean to diminish
Anakin’s death, he was my brother too–
I’m not finished!
He followed you into that war
Now he’s dead, Ben!
Maybe it was your blade, your hands
That did him in!
I see the guilt on your face!
Don’t try to lie to me!
Don’t ever come back, wizard!
You just died to me!

Welcome to the Lars
No dreamin’ of the stars
It’s your uncle talkin’
This is all that you are

Too many questions
The boy is gettin’ older
Eager to find adventure
With Biggs and his friends over
In Anchorhead
I’m thankful that his dad’s dead
So he can’t hear
The things that I’ve said about him
Like he was a navigator
On a spice freighter
A drug dealer
Who got gunned down
And not a dark sider
And then the day comes
When Luke finds a message
Claiming to be from
A princess in distress
Wish I could’ve erased it
He got upset with me
It made him want to join the Academy
Disrespect me
Yeah, whatever
Most of his friends are gone
I’ll make it up to him next year
Maybe, maybe not
Definitely not before midday
It’s droids in the south range that
Seem to be malfunctioning
Hold up, it’s a knock at the door
Afternoon, good sirs.
May I ask who you’re looking for?
A pair of droids gone missing
From a civil war?
Well, you can search us
But these aren’t the droids you’re looking for
Hey, something’s burning down there.
What are you cooking for?
Hold up, wait! You torchin’ my place!
Oh, no, no!
Now you torchin’ my face!

Welcome to the Lars
No dreamin’ of the stars
It’s your uncle talkin’
This is all that you are

We burn together
Like a final end in Mordor
Now and forever
I see what Ben was fightin’ for
A galaxy with justice,
Freedom, rights and laws
Instead of soldiers and slaves
Frightening Emperors
In our last moments
I take Beru’s hand
I can only hope we helped turn Luke
Into a good man
Will he come back and see us
Here in the burnt sand?
Will he want revenge
And build a thirst planned
Out of hatred
To strike back and make it
So no one else has to die like us,
Murdered, forsaken?
Maybe in a way, our fall
Becomes his rise
He is our last hope
Even as our farm dies

Welcome to the Lars
No dreamin’ of the stars
It’s your uncle talkin’
This is all that you are

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