Anatomy–Based on a True Love Story (A Rap)

After five years
I lost the desire to start fires
Marriage can teach you
To become a practiced liar
The problem is
Practice doesn’t make perfect
My honest face betrays me
I’m uncertain
Accused of being unfaithful
But no one’s flirtin’
She becomes like the Wizard of Oz
Without the curtain
And it seems without cause
I’m always the one hurtin’
As the candle burns
At both ends, with no sense
And as the world turns
My dollars into no cents
My flow’s tense and so this
Rhyme ends up engulfing my whole soul
With words as I flow and with none minced
As my heart
It feels like crushed tomatoes
A recipe of bad destiny
With extra mayo
As she finds ways to get mad at me
Either way, so
I bend myself way out of shape
Just like a Play-Doh
I’m trying to arrive at the right way
Like a Plato

I could write songs
That’d make a woman’s heart melt
Fifty pages long
So she’d know that it was heartfelt
And sadly,
She didn’t even want to read it
Put it on a shelf
Where no one else could see it
Had the nerve to call him
More of a man than me
Though I’m raising his child
As if my own family
Without a dime paid in child support
And I report
His superpower’s invisibility, no?
That’s for sure
So as for measures of my manhood
I stand good
Doing more things
Than I really think a man should
She quit her job
A month after we tied the knot
And we’ve been living check to check
Barely got enough
The Kobayashi Maru
Of relationships
No matter what you do
There’s no chance of saving it
But I cheat the test
And get my weekend rest, plan ahead
‘Cause I know that I’ll be needin’ it
‘Cause five days a week
I’m in a dream state, half-dead
Don’t know what’s real or believe in it

Maybe this story
Has gotten far too intimate
I’ll spare you the gory
Details of the incidents
That baffle the brain
I’m trapped in a game
I’m like a character inside Maze Runner
Man, it’s that insane
And you shanks better
Get your act together
My mom interceding
So we can get back together
I pay the rent and the bills
But I can’t so much as buy a CD or DVD
Without a questioning
I feel like every move I make
Is an appropriations bill
And I can’t do jack
Without sequestering
It’s only proper to share and share alike
But I wonder how often that’s happened
While we were sharing life
And if I say no to you
It’s like I’m cheatin’
But if you say no to me
It’s like a king did
I can recognize the flaw
And so I wing it
More that you could do for yourself?
Well, just bring it
Load my shoulders
Like I’m able to lift boulders
I’m dwelling in a dark place
Like books by Matt Stover
And I fear my shatterpoint is nearby
Got to get through the storm
And find a clear sky

The anatomy of marriage consists
Of her mad at me
Lick my wounds, gear up
For the next catastrophe
And they asking me, over and over
Why don’t I leave her?
She said she gave her all for me
I don’t believe her
Maybe co-dependency
Or I just need her
And I never had control to see
If something sweeter
Might be out there
But there’s a considerable doubt there–
Might be something even worse
That’s waiting out there
No bars or locks like an oubliette
Just walls of fear
And the truth is I often wonder
What I’m doing here
I guess I left one cult
And swapped it for another
And it seems the cult leader
Is my once and future lover
There are days I wonder
What she would be without me
And I ask if I’ve made
This marriage all about me
Am I a monster, a failure?
A traitor? A brute?
I save a fight for later
‘Cause I’m tired of disputes
What’s wrong with me?
How can I be so distant?
Or do I think that distance
Really won’t make a difference?
Some days she’ll just say
Draw up the papers
But it seems no matter what
It’s never in me to hate her
Some days it’s toxic
And makes me feel gothic
A gargoyle perched above
A cataclysmic dropping
I’m often so hurt
I don’t know what to say
So I go quiet and tell myself
It’s better this way
Maybe I don’t have
The spine or the courage
To go to her face
And say this to her in person
A strange confession all this is
I’ll close the curtain
But I made a vow, got work to do
No time for shirkin’
It’s the nose to the grindstone
It’s a man trying to find home
It’s all about surviving
The trials inside of my home
And I wish I could be
The perfect man
All I want to do
Is face today and make a stand

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