How Did It Happen? (A Rap Based on a True Love Story)

Can’t get it out of my head

I’m distracted

Asking myself now

How did it happen?

It’s like it all changed

While I was napping

I’m asking myself now

How did it happen?

Went from spending years in tears

‘Cause I was missing you

To spending years more in tears

Because I’m kissing you

And as I toil

The ground is thorns and thistles, too

We’re having words

Until we’re destroying like the missiles do

And went from pleasant kisses

And good mornings

To not even a peck on the cheek

And being annoying

And I’m

Asking myself if I’m losing you

Is it not meant to be

Or am I choosing to?

Are my words said in heat

Really abusing you

Or is what you say to me

Causing some bruises too?

What are we doing to

This love we grew into?

Because it needs our attention

Like we used to do

It’s not about

What we do in the bedroom

Because true love’s always

About what’s in the head, too

It’s about all the words

That we said to

Each other, making love

Cardiac arrest and dead too

Wasn’t that long ago that

I was just a kid

I had no plans at all

To do the things we did

And I grew up fast

Because that’s what I had to do

But I’m still asking

Myself why I’m mad at you

The last several years

Have been rewarding

We’ve watched our children grow

Through all our toiling

And I know one of them

Isn’t mine

But I never really cared

I put it out of my mind

I gave you no reason

To stay before

You went your own way

And you fought your own war

And even though

It’s like a battle in Clone Wars

I can’t imagine what

I’d want to be on my own for

Because I can still remember days

I spent memorizing every corner of your face

And those times

You happen to catch me staring

It’s because words

Can’t explain how much I’m caring

To me, you’re as lovely as day one

The mother to our daughter and

The mother to our son

I’m trying to explain,

At least I’m hoping to

But all of this pain

Is still making me emotional

I don’t want to wait

Until the times I’m holding you

To show you the kind of love

That I’m supposed to

I don’t think

You’ll ever read this

And even if you did

You would never believe it

Don’t ever believe

You’re not needed

I feel so alone

You’re my only hope of beating it

And yet right now

I feel beaten

Like an egg scrambled into a pan

And then eaten

I don’t want you to think

That I’m cheating

Because I have to be at work

Until the evening

I don’t even

Have any friends

Much less any women

Trying to vie for my attention

And if they were

They did not impress

As far as I’m concerned

I’ve already got the best

I wish I could say

That we were perfect

But all the rough edges

Have left me uncertain

I don’t want to

Consider you as a burden

I know things have been heavy on you

And you’re hurting

Because you’re used to betrayal

Used to people saying they’ll stay

And then they may go

And because of the people

You did wrong

It makes you feel as if

No one can get along with you

But it makes me desire

To be strong for you

It’s been many a night beside you

That I’ve longed for you

Or to say words close to my heart

And simply talk to you

And yet I can’t

A sadness overwhelms me

And I wonder sometimes

If there’s stuff you’ll never tell me

And then it’s anger again

I hear you yelling

I try to remain calm

Even when rage is swelling

And when it’s said and done

I feel like melting

And asking myself

If our relationship is healthy

Some days I’ll say

I feel afraid of you

Afraid that you’ll hate me

If I don’t do what you say to do

And I sometimes try

To stay away from you

I don’t always go to work

Because I’m paid to

And I’m ashamed to admit it

There are things I’ve felt

That I’d rather keep hidden

You chose

Your beliefs over me

You did the right thing for you

Don’t owe me anything

But maybe that makes me

Quite the sinner

If I had to choose between God and you

Then you’re the winner

And at the core, maybe

That’s the problem

It wasn’t my place

To interfere with the prophets

Because nowadays I’m godless

I’ve got less interest in Jesus

Than Richard Dawkins

I still respect his words

But not as often

And I suspect it hurts you most

That I’ve forgotten

My time with the Witnesses

Turned me rotten

I found out they were lying

Their response was to silence me

And you had to turn me in

Those were the rules

You had to tell the elders

Like a hall monitor at school

To you it was an obligation

All about loyalty to the organization

That was more important

Than accurate information

And my not quite


Sent shockwaves

Through our family relationship

And I always feel the weight of it

I see elders thinking I’m nothing

And I’m hating it

I learned there’s no use debating it

You think my honest questions

Are coming straight from Satan’s head

But I’m not the one deceiving

I heard ’em twisting scriptures’ meaning

At every meeting

And I saw the people beaten

Bruised and scarred

Even without them taking a swing

Was I supposed to do nothing

Let you walk away

And leave me in my suffering?

I could have let you go

And every one of your friends would think

That you’d be better for it

Maybe that would have been

The right thing

Instead I chose to stay with you

And go down fighting

And maybe true love

Is when you know

When you’re helping a person out most

By simply letting go

And if that’s true

I never loved you

My greatest sin of all

Was putting nothing above you

And there you have it–

Talk about tragic irony

I wonder if one day

You’ll have to say goodbye to me

Now they think I’m like Amnon

And don’t want you here

Now that I’ve

Put my hands upon you

Not sure

I appreciate the inference–

I didn’t throw you down

And steal away your innocence

And do they now say:

“He’s a quitter.

He left the organization–

Soon he will have quit her.

Because that’s the way of

Satan’s drifters

He’s brought disgrace upon

The name of Christopher.”

Do they say it in your ear?

Or close enough at least

For you to still hear it?

And how can you take the children to a place

They’re raised to think their dad is a villain?

Evil, conniving

Like a man who’s killing

Constantly lying

On the lookout for some victims?

Does it weigh on your conscience

That this is the price

For the paradise that’s promised?

It would weigh on mine,

But I should never claim

That I can read your mind

Many of them

Are likely kind

I grew up with them

With regard for the divine

I think I’ve said enough

The point being that I know

You have it rough

It’s often a fight with no winners

The only prince of peace on the throne

Is those pretenders

And I won’t forget anytime soon

There’s an elephant behind you

Standing inside our room

That’s what makes it hurt the worst

That they’ll make you blame me

And claim I made our marriage cursed

And it’s all so well-rehearsed

Memories bursting

With the spiritually thirsty

I try to pretend it doesn’t hurt me

But it’s been like this

Since before I turned thirty

And do you think of me as dirty?

Wicked, selfish, corrupt, and unworthy?

Because that would be disturbing

But that’s what they tell you at the meetings

And it perturbs me

Because how can you love me

If you think everything inside of me

Is ugly?

And it’s not like it’s optional

Reconciling these two worlds is impossible

Or at the very least improbable

One force immovable, the other unstoppable

So these are things I contend with

This rhyme cut far more deeply

Than intended

And even five years later

I can’t amend it

My heart muscles pounding hard


Most loves just don’t survive this

And I’m not sure that

I can declare this one alive yet

As my soul flows outwards

And provides this

I want for you to know

That there’s still hope behind it

If love can conquer all

May ours forever stand

And our foes and trials fall

So am I ready to quit?

Not at all

Knock me down, beat me up

I’m standing tall

I may be bruised up and broken

But I’ll fight for the love I earned

It wasn’t stolen

And no matter what may be the toll

I’m still looking for new ways to make us whole

Yeah–all that was on my soul

So I just had to let you all know

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