Monthly Archives: April 2015

Manifesto (A Rap)

When you write a manifesto
People think you’re Karl Marx–
Or you’re going to
Shoot up the office
Either way
It’s uncomfortable topics
Like whether or not science
Can disprove the prophets
Or if alliances
Made inside politics
Are only in existence
For personal profits
So then, leave it alone
Just drop it
Why get yourself lumped in
With the stalkers?
Here’s your unfollow,
You tin-foiled hat
Let’s send him an insult
Or laugh behind his back
Because when you promote
Balance and reason
It’s like white after Labor Day–
It’s out of season
They’ll nearly
Accuse you of treason
Just for believing
They’ll label you as heathen
And even suggest
You stop breathing
They’re verbally beatin’ you
Without even meetin’ you
That’s how people
Out here are treatin’ you
Pass you on the sidewalk
And won’t even speak to you
At least look at me
Once and nod
Or can you see that I don’t
Believe in your god?


Here’s the problem:
A world full of people,
Both good and evil,
Separate and unequal
Some don’t want
The government to feed you
So they want the freedom,
But hope they won’t be you
Politicians say
To help your fellowman
But make sure their paychecks
Are not going to face that
While they can get a ride
To where they stay
You can barely manage
The bus fare for both ways
For every thousand you make
They take a third
Or a fourth–
Either pay up or end up in court
And that’s on top
Of child support
So if your girl’s crazy
You better end up staying
So you can quit your job
And be lazy
But you better not be playing
Take care of your babies
You park your car wrong
And get another ticket
Guess the taxes weren’t enough
Cash to get it
And by ‘it’ I mean
A trip to Bahamas
You might even end up
Golfing with Obama
You’ve got to do
Whatever they say, so
It’s not what you know
Apparently, it’s who you know


Here’s what I want
For the rest of the world:
Complete education
For every boy and girl
But it doesn’t have to be
The same tradition
Schools are often so dogmatic
They’re like religions
People have to wear
The same clothes
And read
The same prose
Do tests
They don’t know
You can’t go
To the bathroom alone
Get tossed out of class
For a nap or your phone
And they don’t care
What happened at home
Just gladly intone
This happiest poem
At worst
You’re a number
At best
A last name
And in between
Pawns of a master’s game
Remember back
When your people were slaves?
Nah, no way
We’re not back to those days
Would you believe
It was illegal to read?
So you really can’t see
What your knowledge could be?
Instead they color code you
Like crayons
But everyone wants to be you–
Hence, the spray-ons
But this isn’t just
For one group
There’s far more involved
I’ve got some more thought food


Next on my list
Is to end the disgrace
That groups all the people
According to race
We’re responsible
For this division
But we still have the power
To change that decision
Your keyboard is black
But you can’t be
And what’s really red
Is flowers and ant species
Yellow dandelions
And the sun
White is for snowflakes
When wintertime comes
Brown’s a color
For the birds of the earth
And coffee and chocolate
Not measures of worth
And when a rainbow appears
You see several
In nature the colors unite
Above the heavens, so
Why not come together
Down below them?
“Our colors are our beauty”
Should be our global slogan


I left my faith
To understand:
Did man make God
Or did God make man?
I had my last talk
With him years ago
He didn’t say much
If he did, I didn’t hear him, so
I would gladly
Believe in one
But I became a father
And I looked at my son
If I knew the love
Of children
I would spend every day
Beside them, I’d be listening
I wouldn’t leave
A two thousand page letter
And ask them to consult it
If they want to know what’s better
And I would never
Want to kill my kids
But according to those books
That’s what he did
But then he tells me
That killing’s not right
So how can I know
When it’s proper to fight?
I see him authorize
Multiple genocides
Over a strip of land
And I’m hurt inside
So am I to understand
Life is sacred?
If you think so much of it,
Then why do you hate it?
You’d rather play a game
With your Satan
Than to offer your children
A chance at salvation?
You stand back
And pit them against each other?
You tell them to abandon
Even their own brothers?
Yet you say
We should love one another
That was the number one rule
That we discovered
Instead Abraham’s children
Are at war
And things are at best
Far worse than before
If you flooded a world
Because of violence,
Then nuclear bombs
Should have made you bat an eyelid!
So I said goodbye
That’s what I did
You can offer up the rest of your lies
To some of my kids
And maybe one of them
Will believe it
But as for me, sir,
Consider me as leaving
Claim you gave a ransom
Well, I reject it
Because it’s obvious to me
That your kids are much neglected
And what kind of a thing
Is that to do?
I will never, ever
Let my child die for you
And what were you
Trying to prove?
If you wanted to forgive
That was all you had to do
Is forgiving a person
That hard
That you have to kill someone
Just to please God?
And that’s the nicest version
Others blow themselves up
To lie with virgins
Seriously?
Some kind of servants
Personally that type of thing
Would make me nervous
It was hard
To even rap about God
And maybe there’s a place
Somewhere inside my heart
Where he’s still alive
But for me, he just died
Because when I needed him most
He said goodbye
Oh, wait
That was only in my mind
I never heard a word
I guess I was left behind


What I want most
In our world is peace
And not on the other side
Of war, death and defeat
I want for us
To lay down our arms
To heal the wounds
And get back to the start again
I don’t want anyone
To be starving
I don’t want a single meal
Thrown in the garbage
I want leaders
Who can do more than speak
I want teachers
Who can teach children to think
I want believers
To ask more questions
To treat us with respect
Or find a better profession
I want people
To reach for perfection
To look at the past
And learn the correct lessons
To not be so
Desperate for blessings
But to be obsessed with
Improving our ethics
So that about wraps up
My checklist
And the rest of my manifesto
Any questions?

V.A.D.A. (The Force Awakens Edit) (Rap Parody of Jay-Z song ‘Izzo (H.O.V.A.)’)

Chorus:

V to the izz-A
D to the izz-A
I’m not forsaken
In The Force Awakens
V to the izz-A
D to the izz-A
That’s the anthem
Get your metal hands up
V to the izz-A
D to the izz-A
Don’t be hatin’
On BB-8 and them
V to the izz-A
D to the izz-A
That’s the anthem
Get your metal hands up

It’s half a helmet
Skeletal reality
I may be dead
But I achieved immortality
Heroes grow old
But they never retire
Especially not
When there’s still an Empire
Take it from a man
Who’s twice been through fire
More than just skill alone
Is required
I climbed back off of
The funeral pyre
Because I’m the only one
In this game who still inspires
Kylo Ren
Watchin’ hens in this wolf house
I’m everything and far more
Than what you heard about
They might say
There’s no more to be said
And the saga is over
Because Darth Vader’s dead
Thirty years later
I’m still stacking bread
I couldn’t finish counting it
Had to go to bed
But I can’t sleep
It’s more like meditation
The pain is incredible
The dark side is medication
And I break out
My PlayStation
I’m a teras kasi master
I’ll kick your face in

(Chorus)

So I
Pass the torch
And I find it
Most fortunate
My son is still strong in the Force
And that’s important
No time for caution
I’m back out the coffin
I’m so good you say
We should do this more often
We can make it
A Star Wars Weekend
Wake up to see
The twin suns and sleep in
Watch me tangle with
Kanan and the Rebels
And ain’t none of them
Even halfway on my level
I trained Ahsoka
To be a saber toter
I’ve got no patience
For haters and young voters
We reorganized
To make a safe society
And rebooted the game
And gave it more variety
I’ve brought peace and security
To my Empire
No such thing here
As a right to survive, so
Too much thinking
Gets you sighted with rifles
When curfew is up
You better silence your lights, bro

(Chorus)

This year
Your Christmas gift’s a week early
It’s in the form of
Movie tickets, now, you heard me?
It’s Finn and Jake
And Edgar Allan Poe–
Oops, Finn and Rey
And Poe Dameron, whoa
J.J. Abrams came up
To save them
Like Luke did to me
I found it most brave of him
To face the challenge
In this age of information
Where one tap of phrases
Can paint you as Satan
Or have ’em laughing at you
Like Jason Bateman
While the perpetrators wait
In the safety of their basements
But fans are waiting
In rain on the pavement
To see the greatness
That they will embrace again
A great day
For the faith that was wavering
It’s eight more months
Until The Force Awakens
And I won’t add
An additional statement
Put this anthem on
In your ships with the bass, man

(Chorus)

Raps of the Christopherian Realm #6 (A Sci-Fi Rap, Continued…)

Back on the Planet
CBP-1
Agent Fordius Tack
Believed he’d seen someone
The energy source he found
Served as a footprint
He started thinking
Being alone wasn’t a good thing
And his priority was
To watch the government
What if the King went bad
Like many others did?
What if this was just
A wild goose chase
A mistake set up
So Queen Christina could erase him?
Well, if it was,
He would deal with that later
His role had to be dual–
Watcher and investigator
And for all he knew
His friends were dead
There might not even be
A Christopher Kingdom left
But he couldn’t feel
Sorry for himself
His job was to play with
The hand he was dealt
If there was someone here
It was clear
It was best not to engage
But to gather information
…Or if perhaps they were dangerous
And there was opportunity
He could assassinate them…
He tried to shake off
The dark thought
Did he come here to kill people?
He thought not
But if there was
A path to peace
It was becoming a very
Unclear path to see
But he knows he’s better than that
He has to be
It’s his role to protect their souls
From catastrophe


About a hundred klicks
From his position
He saw a bright light
Like a Biblical vision
At that point it was
His decision
Walk towards the light
Or find a different mission
Suddenly, the light disappeared
And it came on again
Like it was telling him
To come near
Or maybe that was just
His own fear
But either unravel the mystery
Or why bother to come here?
So he kept moving
With nothing else unusual
Until he saw a building
With some dude in blue on it
It looked like the man
Was watching him
And then he turned his back
As if to say, follow him
And he went back
Inside the building
“Right, so if I walk in,
This guy will kill me,”
Fordius thought,
“Or maybe even
Hold me captive
Gather information to improve
His attack plan.
I think I’ll circle
Around back and
See if he’s got anything
Good for a snack, man.
Because
As it happens,
I’m really getting tired
Of munching nasty rations.
Ugh–
Went from assuming deceit
To thinking about trying
To get something to eat…”


He entered from the rear
And felt a strange connection
An overwhelming sense
That he went the wrong direction
“Maybe this is
Some crazy stunt,
But it looks a lot like
I just entered the front,”
He thought,
And had a moment of confusion
A voice said to him:
“It’s not an optical illusion.
And rest assured,
You’re not in any danger.
But you shouldn’t believe that
When it’s coming from a stranger.
That said, we’d best
Have a meeting,
Because, as they say,
Seeing is believing.
So, please, take the elevator
In front of you.
On the twenty-fifth floor
You’ll see what will become of you.
Oh, gee,
That sounds a bit ominous.
Really, I’m not going to harm you,
I promise.
It’s just that
I think it best
To welcome you here
As a most honored guest.”
“And what have I done
To earn this honor?”
Fordius said,
“I’m not sure why I should bother.”
The voice said,
“You may go your own way.
I only entreat you
To hear what I must say.
It is of greatest concern
To your people.
A war has been raging here
Between good and evil.
I’m sorry to say
You’ve all been drafted.
I never intended
To let this all happen.
I also want
Peace and freedom,
But dark forces work
To destroy our people.”
Fordius said, “Wait,
What do you mean, ‘our’?
I have seen no other
People of yours, thus far.”
The voice said, “That’s because
You are my people.
We share the same dream
Of a world made of equals.
It has been
A great honor to know you.
We’ve been friends for decades.
Please, let me show you.”


And at that, Agent Tack
Couldn’t resist
He had to get facts
About what was behind this
So he got on
The elevator
And made it to the twenty-fifth floor
A minute later
The doors opened on a room
That was expansive,
Dark but for a stage light
And a man standing under it
Then he saw the glare
Of a massive screen
Images of Tack
Were flashing across the TV
And then a scene
That had nothing to do with it
A point of view image
Of a junior high school kid
He was pacing around
On the blacktop
The man seemed to keep the image
As a backdrop
He turned around and said,
“Welcome.
My name is Chris
And I have a lot to tell you.
The Realm you named
After me is no coincidence.
I’m actually the person
Who invented it.


“Okay, I know that probably
Sounds insane,
But I hope it will
Make more sense as I explain.
You see, in the year
Of 1994,
You were born in my imagination
As a metaphor.
Everything that’s happening
Right now
Has already happened–
I never bothered to write it down.
You and I have led
In many battles.
A great war approaches:
The light against the shadows.”
Chris’ face became grim
With sadness
As he said,
“There are things ahead you can’t imagine.
It will be hard to say why,
But Fordius, many of our people will die.
I’ve tried to honor
All the sacrifice,
But much of what we will defend
Is actually a lie.
You haven’t met them yet–
You will soon, though–
A powerful clan
Known as the High Tribunal.
But given the gravity of this
It’s futile
To attempt to explain too much
About the future.
I’m the real ruler
Of your people.
Your true enemy is named Christoph
And he’s evil.
Well,
At least he was.
He and I are actually
Of the same blood.
More like two sides
Of the same coin,
Parts of a whole
That’s currently disjointed.
And it is
Apparently our destiny
To meet in combat
Until the war is complete.
I’d say it’s a lot like
War and Peace,
But that’s a book I still
Haven’t gotten around to reading.”


Chris approached him,
“You saved my life.
You’ll never know
How much it meant to me that night.
But we have
Many battles before
That day, so our people must be
Ready for war.
The Lionians
Are already arming.
It’s time for you to get
New weapons and a starfleet.
And once we have a better army,
We can show our foes that
We won’t go down softly.”
Fordius said,
“How can you possibly arrange this?”
Chris replied, “It’s
The power of imagination.
This power enables
The creation
Of whatever things
May fit the situation.
Beneath your planet
Is an essence,
And beneath Christoph’s world,
Impreg, is a second.
We are but reflections
Of this essence,
Expressions of its power
We manipulate its metals.
So I can build a fleet
With my mind
I can even travel between
Space and time.
There is no limit
To my powers,
So that’s why I made
This space age tower.
Beneath this skin
Is pure energy
The same is true
Of Christoph, my enemy.”
Fordius said,
“If this is true, show me.”
Chris replied, “Come, and see the fleet–
Warhammer, Christopher Star
Are both complete.
So now we need to
Get to Planet C–
I sense that
Our kingdom again needs rescuing…”

Raps of the Christopherian Realm #5 (A Sci-Fi Rap, Continued…)

Adablaster hacked his way
Towards their leader
He set his sights solely upon
Queen Christina
And so they approached
Metal staff met sword
Adam intoned, “So much
For putting an end to war!
I could have destroyed you all
From orbit
But I want to saturate the soil
With your organs!
I’m glad you
Decided to attack!
You would have fared better
If your best fighters had held back!”
And with that, his army parted ways
To reveal a phalanx
Of tanks there, in place of them
And the cavalry was still
Battling ships
The army was spread too thin
To handle this
Christina’s expression became sober
As it became clear
That the battle was over
Adam said, “You can still
Save their lives–for a price.
I’ll accept their surrender
If you offer me your life–
And those of your First Cavalry.
I would be most pleased
To study their suits’ anatomy.
So, my Queen,
What does it have to be–
The end of your kingdom,
Or will you come back with me?”
Christina said, “No,
This can’t be happening!
You’d never keep your word
You’re just trying to trap me!
And you’re counting on my compassion
Using it now so you can restrain my actions.
Adam, I don’t know what you’re after
But whatever it is,
I won’t let you have it!”
“Then die, and join your friends in the soil!”
Adam screamed, his rage at a boil.
At that, the tanks opened fire
Without regard even
For their own hundred legions
But before
The cavalry could react
Out of nowhere,
A guy on a bike led an attack
He was a robot
With shoulders like boulders
Encrusted with diamonds
On his gloves and his motor
He rammed his fist into a tank
Picked it up and slammed the others
A loud bang
“Do what you do!” he yelled.
“I got this!
My name is Get Tough
And I’m about to rock this!”


And just then, Christopher
And Lyselle
Arthur and Audrey
And their armies brought some help
They dropped out of the sky
And then they dealt
Some jaw-rocking blows and bombs
Surely felt
Christopher yelled,
“Take out those tanks!”
Lyselle said, “No kidding?
We got it, thanks!”
Arthur and Audrey agreed,
“We’re going to flank them!
We’ll cut off their retreat
And make sure we bang ’em
Very hard till they turn to spare parts
There sure are a lot of them–
Let’s get it started!”
And so Adam’s army was beaten
Until he bulled his way
Back to the rear
And then retreated
And to the heroes’ dismay
They were discussing
The damage Adam left
Without out him in custody
And it only multiplied the hurt
To know that in fact
He was working for someone worse


“What have I done
To my people?
I led them out here
To be slaughtered by this evil,”
Christopher said,
“We were all destined to be equals
Not to be murdered by some
Mad metal people!”
Christina said,
“We did the best that we could.”
Christopher replied,
“It didn’t do us any good!”
“We escaped this fight
With our lives.”
“What’s the point?
Why do we deserve to survive?
And even if
We join together
We can’t hold off
A foe like that forever.
We’ll all be
In our graves, or overrun,
Or made into slaves
At the point of a gun.”
“It’s easy to
Lose sight of the right thing,”
Audrey said,
“When you decide to go fighting.
But we didn’t fight here to kill,
We fought to save the lives
Of the ones we love still.”
Lyselle said, “Christopher,
Many here were killed.
It will take time
For all our wounds to heal.
I feel the deep pain
In what you’ve said,
But for now,
We must take time
To bury our dead.”


So as they gave up
A moment of silence
They eased the pain
With creating an alliance
And they shared meals
In somber peace
As it felt like their victory
Was actually defeat
The lightning bolt was sewn
Across a green flag
To represent the lives that were
Torn away by war’s hand
And the kingdom itself
Was not the same
As the wounds of war
Translated to daily pain
And it seemed that
No one could sleep
Many lovers found each other
Over the next week
As they sat by fires
And held hands
And tried to come up
With a way to understand it
As now their duty
Became grim
It was clear that the war
Was not soon to end…

Raps of the Christopherian Realm #4 (A Sci-Fi Rap, Continued…)

While Lyselle and Christopher
Were locked in combat
They got a contact
From the queen under attack
Christopher said,
“I have to get back!”
Lyselle said,
“Not until we’re finished here!”
“By then, it could be too late,”
Christopher feared.
“Listen to me, Christopher!
We need this unit!
If we aid the Heart Army,
Our chances will improve then!”
Then Lyselle pressed the advantage
And the Conscience Army and cavalry
Then managed
To turn the tide
And save the Heart Army
The leader of their troop
Was named Arthur McCarthy
Along with his sister
Whose name was Audrey
They’d been battling a regiment
Of the Solid Army
“This was a delaying tactic,”
Audrey said,
“The Netherworld must have
A separate attack planned.”
“They do,” Christopher said,
“I must ask you,
Will you and your people
Help me save Christopher Castle?”
Arthur said,
“It would be my honor.
We’ll give our all to protect
Your sons and daughters.”
“We’re already on time
That’s borrowed.
Let’s hurry or my people
Will never see tomorrow.”


Hoisting a scepter
With letters ‘AD’
Adablaster approached
The Queen hastily
He was confident
No one would attack him
Because he had a
Hundred legions right in back of him
“Christina!”
Adam finally said,
“He left a woman
To lead the charge instead!
I no longer care
For good and evil.
I will cleanse your world
And subjugate your people.
I warned the father of your king,
But he ignored me,
And that will be his final folly.
I set out once
In search of revenge
And I gained power
And a new set of friends instead!
Before me, your army is but bread.
Any final words before you’re all dead?”
“Certainly!”
Queen Christina bravely said,
Raised her gun, blasted him
Five shots to the head
“A glorious thing,” Adam said,
“This precious metal.
I’m unaffected even by
The best of your efforts.
Lower your banners,
Bend the knees, one and all.
Or I’ll order them to charge
And all of you will fall.
The one behind this
Is devoid of mercy.
If you win today,
He will send even worse things.
Better to stop this now
If you detest war.
For if you refuse,
You will surely be at death’s door.”
“Let them come!
For if they detest life,”
Christina said, “We’ll oppose them
And continue to fight!”
With that she took off
At a full run
Took out her sword
And put away her guns…


“Charge!” she screamed,
And so the Fifth Brigade
On the heels of the First Cavalry
Led the way
And Adablaster’s army
Did the same
The odds in their favor
Would approach the insane
The ships in the air opened fire
And the Fifth Brigade took heavy losses
It was dire
So some of the Cavalry broke off
The rockets on their cybersuits
Evened the odds
It enabled their few to fly, too
They drew their swords
And stabbed them right through
The ships were now facing
Heavy metal destruction
And the Fifth Brigade charged on
Like it was nothing
Threw themselves into enemy lines
And thrust swords and point blank shots
Right through their eyes
And right away,
They found something was strange
As they entered the heat of battle
Something had changed
It was as though they could move
Like lightning
Their swords started glowing with light
And it was frightening
And at the same time
It was exciting
Was there still a chance of victory?
Well, there might be


Meanwhile,
The intelligence bureau
Was safely elsewhere
On a mission to sure up
Exactly where
The other populations
Happened to be
South of Planet C’s equator
They found that
The best way to manage
To protect the Agency
Was to keep it off-planet
So a small contingent
With the President
Set up a headquarters
Also a residence
It was a place
That they could call home
But they didn’t make the mistake
Of thinking they were alone
They detected
A massive source of energy
And a trail of it
Could reach back to Planet C
So could this be
The planet’s means
Some sort of conduit
Designed for their enemies?
Whatever the case,
It was a safe bet
That an energy like that
Warrants investigation
And thus on Planet CBP-1,
Agent Fordius Tack in fact
Had seen someone…

Not Matt Damon: The Battle of ‘Here’s Baby Too!’ Part 3 & Conclusion

[Another blow to the chest, and Emily lands on her feet. She grabs her wooden sword as Sarah backflips three times, then throws a red fabric that unravels and comes straight at Emily. Emily leaps on top of it and begins to run across it towards Sarah; she runs on top of it, then runs under it, upside down. Reaching Sarah, she raises her sword to strike, and Sarah twists the fabric, catching Emily and delivering her to the ground.]

Emily: Ughf!

[Emily rolls away just in time to avoid a deadly scratch from Sarah’s claws. Sparks appear where she was as Sarah rears back for another slash.]

Sarah: Your beloved boyfriend has already fallen, no doubt. Why fight on?

Emily: …Actually, well—first of all, he’s not my boyfriend. Secondly, you did just attack me. If you hadn’t, we wouldn’t be fighting, I guess.

Sarah: Oh? Oh. Well, then. I’ll stop fighting you. Sorry about that. You’re pretty good, with the uh, ninja thing. Who did you study under?

Emily: It was an 8-week program at a local rec center. I don’t really remember the guy’s name. You just never know when you might need ninjitsu during an early morning run.

Sarah: Yeah, I know. I spent a little time in Hong Kong, myself, learning from a retired sensei. Tell me, did they teach you any Special Moves? You know, to take down an opponent immediately?

Emily: I…don’t think the guy was licensed to teach those. I’m thinking I might try to take a course for that next sum—

Sarah [hyper punches Emily]: SILVERMA-KILL!!

[Emily blocks it just in time, her feet kicking up dust as she slides backwards.]

Emily: What are you doing?!

Sarah: Your defense is strong. But you can only block a Special Move so many times before it knocks you out. [Sarah charges at her.] SILVERMA-KILL! SILVERMA-KILL! SILVERMA-KILL! SILVERMA-[Sarah voice gets lower and slows down] KIIIILL!

[Emily gets hit at last and falls to the ground in slow motion.]

Emily: OOOOAAH-OOOAAH!!

Sarah [dusting her hands off]: You aren’t equipped to beat me. Go home and practice! [Her eyes widen] CONTINUE? No? Game over, then. [Her earpiece chimes.]

Matt[‘s voice in her earpiece]: Sarah, is it done?

Sarah: Yes, it’s done.

Matt: Good. Augustus is not responding to my hails. I have Matthew in custody. Bring Emily to me, then disappear. No one must know you were here.

Sarah: Understood.

[Augustus and Chris trade blows. Fists punch through brick and wood, and make dents in metal. A tangle of bodies crashes through a door. Augustus emerges on top and throws a series of savage punches at Chris.]

Augustus: Still conscious?

Chris: So far. RAAA! [He shoves Augustus off and gets to his feet.]

Augustus [crouching in a wrestler’s stance]: So you’re not entirely soft. But taking a beating is useless without the strength to beat back!

[He throws a right hook. Chris ducks it, then counters with a gut punch. Augustus drops his elbow in a fraction of a second to block it, then gives a vicious straight jab.]

Chris: Augh! [He staggers backwards, then goes to his knees.]

Augustus [flexing his fingers]: Are you prepared to yield?

[Chris turns away, feeling beaten. Just then, a flash of lightning reveals a sledgehammer just within his reach. A glimmer of hope stirs within him, and he slowly reaches for the sledgehammer.]

Chris [feigning defeat]: Yes. I’m prepared to yield.

[Augustus narrows his eyes, wary of a surprise attack.]

Chris: But not to you!

[Chris leaps into the air, holding the sledgehammer high and bringing it down in slow motion as lightning strikes again.]

RAAAAAAA!!!

[A hand catches the sledgehammer mere inches from Augustus’ face.]

Matt: It’s over. The authorities are here. You can still walk away from this. Or better still…

[Matt pulls the hammer suddenly and hits Augustus in the head, knocking him unconscious.]

…you can join me again. You have proven your worth to me.

Chris [glances at Augustus lying on the ground, lowers the hammer]: I don’t…understand.

Matt: It was all a test, Christopher. Don’t you see? He wasn’t worthy to take your place. I’ve dealt with Matthew, and now, I’ve proven to myself that you are as loyal a man as I can find to protect me. Thank you…for all that you’ve done. Your bravery has humbled me. [Matt smiles.] Now let’s go enjoy that premiere, eh?

[Intercom Guard, now promoted to Head of Mental Hospital Security, steps into the building; several flashlights shine behind him.]

Head of Security (HOS): Not so fast. There’s a guy knocked out right there, and a guy standing right there. Now either both are Matt Damon—[shining his flashlight in Matt’s face]—or one of you is an impostor. Either way, I say you both come with me and we settle this up at the hospital. Full eval.

Matt: We could do that. But it’s unnecessary, because I’m Matt Damon. Hey, has anyone told you you look like Jonah Hill?

HOS [smiling and shaking his head]:   Uh, no, no, no. No way. I don’t look like that guy. And we’re not going to play that game. Mr. Damon, or Damensen, you’re coming with me. We have you completely surrounded and my men are trained in the deadly arts of Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

Matt: Seriously? Brazilian? Literally everyone knows that now. Come on, then. Let’s have a round.

HOS [spreads his arms to hold his men back]: No. He’s baiting us, he wants us to fight him so he can have a chance of escape.

Matt: But if I’m not Matt Damon, what are you afraid of? Matthew can’t beat twelve guards.

HOS: Wait…[his phone vibrates]…This YouTube video just went viral. An anonymous user submitted a video of a guy named Matthew Damensen…trying to replace Matt Damon. [He looks up at Matt] I am so sorry, sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Matt: So you just immediately believe the Internet.

HOS: Well…no, not immediately.

Matt: Yeah, immediately. [He smiles.] Admit it, you’re an entertainment news junkie.

HOS [smiles sheepishly]: Okay, well, yeah, maybe a little bit. [He stops smiling] But my duty is clear. You’re coming with me, Matt—

[Shouting is heard behind HOS. He turns to see the source of the commotion.]

Matthew [being held just barely by four guards]: Get off me, you fools! He’s not Matt Damon! I AM! Let go of me! Get off me! Aaaargh! Matthew! Matthew, what did you do to me?

Matt [smiles in satisfaction]: Wouldn’t you like to know?

HOS: Wow. Clearly he’s not Matt Damon. That guy’s nuts. Okay guys, put him under, we’re done here. Matt’s not sick, this impostor is.

Matthew: What? No! NOOO!! This is a mistake! I’M MATT DAMON! I’M MATT DAMON, AAGH! NOOO! NOOO! [He grabs a hand trying to jab him with a needle, but finds his fingers go numb and he feels weak.]

HOS: Hold—hold him! Guys?! Hold him down! Hold him!

[A guard finally jabs Matthew in the side with a needle, and he begins to descend into unconsciousness.]

Matthew [glaring at Matt, speaks with clenched teeth]: I’m going to get you, Matthew. [He spits at Matt.] I’m going to get you… [His breathing, ragged and angry, gradually slows as he drifts into sleep.]

[Matt walks out of the building. Chris spares a final glance at where Augustus lay unconscious. Or at least…where he thought he was… He hurries to catch up to Matt.]

Matt [hurries outside—looking around, he sees Emily unconscious, slumped against the side of a building]: Emily! [He runs over to her, his eyes alert for danger.]

[Emily’s eyes open and she looks around, startled]: Matt…Is it you? Is it you, Matt?

Matt: Yes. Yes, it’s me. Matthew [his voice catches in his throat]…Matthew won’t be bothering you again. He lost touch with himself, and it…it drove him over the edge. But he’s in good hands now. He’ll get the help he needs.

Emily [tears welling up in her eyes]: I loved him. And it’s only now, looking at you, that I realize how much.

Matt: Well, I’m sorry for what he did to you, Emily. And I’m sure…that somewhere in there…he loves you, too.

Emily [putting a hand up to caress his face]: If only…he were as brave and sweet as you.

Matt [stares at her for a long time, his expression almost…a longing…]: I’ve…I’ve got to go. The press will get wind of this, and…

Emily [smiling amorously at him]: I know. I’ll…see you soon?

Matt [his smile torn between joy and hurt]: I’ll…see you soon.

[Later, as Matthew is placed in an ambulance, Chris and Matt watch. A bewildered press snaps photos incessantly.]

Chris: Such a sad man. I wonder what his life was before he ruined it so?

Matt: Well, Chris, that’s for the shrinks to decide. I only wish he’d gotten the help he needed before now.

Chris: And you? How are you?

Matt: Well, he surprised me, I’ll say that. But I’m fine. Nothing a good ice pack can’t cure.

[Chris chuckles.]

Matt: Is Emily done with the police yet? [He nods at Emily from a distance; she smiles shyly.]

Chris: She’s wrapping up, I think. … You care for her, sir. Don’t you?

Matt [his expression turning sad]: More than I thought possible. She’s…a good friend. I feel bad for her, caring for Matthew as she did. But she’ll land on her feet. I’m sure of it. [Folding his arms and turning to face Chris] So, Augustus, huh? That was…interesting. Care to tell me about it?

Chris [wistful]: An old friend…turned enemy. Nothing more to it. He seems to have disappeared in the midst of all the trouble. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

Matt: He was trying to kill you, wasn’t he?

Chris: Well…he plays a little rough. I was in no real danger.

Matt: Mm.

Chris: One question, though. … Was Matthew talking to himself, or was he calling you Matthew?

Matt [stares at Chris for a moment, camera slowly tightens on Matt’s eyes]: One can never say what’s truly going on…in a troubled mind like that. People can convince themselves of anything…[Matt’s eyes flicker…] become whatever they want…if they only believe…

THE END…