Introspection (A Rap)

What is this feeling
That consumes me?
People on my blog are like
‘Where is the beat?’
I know I’m the
Only one who hears it
But I’m tired of being
All alone with my lyrics
So I decided to
Step up and share them
Five people like it
And most, they don’t care for them
And what is my aim
Within the game?
I’ll never have the fame
Or crowds screaming my name
But I’m not ashamed
You can say this dude is lame
You don’t have to eat
All this food for brains
In real life, I’m
Not of much interest
And I’m not a titan
When I’m on the Internet
I’m not sure if
Anyone really cares
But if you read this sincerely
I’m glad that you’re there
I’m looking for a future
Like the World’s Fair
But no one ever really believes
That the world’s fair

There are days
I want to turn to the bottle
When I’m on the train I feel
Like I’m surrounded by supermodels
But I’ve been married
For five years
Infidelity’s high
On the list of my fears
‘Cause you can have
A beautiful wife at home
And still feel as though
You’re living your life alone
But that’s when
I try to think of the future so
I don’t even consider
Doing something estupido
I get feelings
And I have to duke it out
Sometimes I get sick of it
And want to puke it out
Some days it’s no fun
Being a male
You want to take your feelings
And lock ’em up in jail
With no possibility of bail
And no Internet access or even mail
Every day I feel like I fail
I have the kind of fantasies
I can’t relate in detail
And I wonder if it’s normal
To feel like your own body
Is going to war with you
And I wonder
What does a woman do?
Does she have the same struggle
When she’s looking at other dudes?
And is she even in love with you?
Or is there something in her
That’s secretly had enough of you?
And I wish that
I could be better to her
So someone else doesn’t write
Love letters to her
Because I’m addicted to her smell
Like it’s gin
I want it coming out of my veins
And deep within
And her touch is still
Like she’s electric
I wish for every second
We could be connected
Her coming back to me
Was unexpected
But our love is still young
And yet to be perfected
And I want to
Show her affection
But it’s like we’re Verizon
And lost the connection
I hope you can
Forgive this section
I needed to have
A bit of introspection

Then I think about
Going to work
The same gray walls
And the same white dress shirts
It’s as if it was made
To cause depression
To make a brain wander
Ask all kinds of questions
For example,
What am I doing here?
Do I want to do this
For the next thirty years?
How can a person be
Happy and balanced
When he spends most of his time
Inside a cube of silence?
I mean, I’m glad
That it pays the bills
If I’d been born elsewhere
I might be working in a field
And sweating to death
Under a hot sun
I don’t take my work for granted
I get the job done
It’s just that
It’s not enough to stop one
From worrying about those folks
Who haven’t got one
And wondering if
I’ll soon become one of them
Struggling outside
And searching for funds with them
I know I love to write
And so it happens
The dream that I’d like
Has nothing to do with rapping
I’d rather be a
Best-selling author
A screenwriter/director
And maybe win an Oscar
But I wouldn’t
Do it for the glory
I’d do it because
I need to tell a story
And I believe
I have a good perspective
On what would be needed
To make fiction effective
Some of the best stories are real
And those are the ones
That change how we feel
I’m not looking for a record deal
I’m looking to connect
With what hurts and heals
I’m looking to
Bring people to tears
Or make them laugh–
That would be music to my ears
It may take
Another fifty years
But I want to be remembered
When I’m no longer here
Then I think I need
To work a little faster
At best I’ve got forty years
Or maybe half of it
I have a pen and paper
I can tackle it
Hopefully you’ll get
To see it all happening
And if not,
Or if I’m gone next year
I want to say thanks again,
Just for being here

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