Monthly Archives: May 2016

A Dying Orange Rose

You say the love is gone
You’re turning cold inside
You say I’m always wrong
You think I always lie
I get to watch you cry
What do you think that’s like?
It tears me up and I
Can’t tell you what is on my mind
I see you
Fading away from me
I need you
To be the one waiting for me
But you’re

A dying orange rose
Its petals
Lying in my soul
A dying orange rose
I never
Again will be whole

We could never last this long
If all respect was gone
I’m not nearly half as strong
Without you holding on
I get to watch you yell
And it makes me hate myself
Is this love or is it jail?
‘Cause I am guilty and I failed
I see you
Sounding like you hate me
Could be true
I feel that way lately
‘Cause you’re

A dying orange rose
Its petals
Lying in my soul
A dying orange rose
I never
Again will be whole

And I don’t want to
Turn back the clock
So you can grow again
No matter what
I’d rather not
Watch you go again
But if I can’t please you
And there’s somewhere
Else you’d rather be
I’ll understand you leaving
And I know
It’s ’cause of me
And I’m

A dying orange rose
Its petals
Lying in my soul
A dying orange rose
I never
Again will be whole

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Merchandising (BB-8 parody of Notorious B.I.G.’s ‘Hypnotize’)

I make volleyballs cry
‘Cause nobody wants to buy them
Me–I’m like iTunes is
To CDs
I put the First Order
In the hot water
Add a little oil
Then their goose is boiled
To Sphero and Target
I’m a hero
Got Artoo out of a coma
With my zeroes
And ones–binary
Like my funds
You pay double price
For my movies and my merchandise
My face could be
On bags of rice
People still lining up
With their pay to buy them
Even cats with plush toys
They like ’em
Ladies always want me
Rolling right beside them
Got maps
That weren’t found by Google
Even Five Below
Has got me if you’re frugal
Everybody knows
How I’m rolling
My slogan: With me
Every door is opened
Common in your household
More than the cold
Precious like gold
To the young and the old
More famous than the ball
That made Hanks cry
Making people rethink
Everything they buy
No surprise
Rolling through lows and highs
Coming with your Cheerios
Nuggets and your fries

BB BB BB-8
Can’t you see?
You’re so perfect for
Our merchandising
Worth sixty portions
Every day
That’s why Leader Snoke
Is so afraid

I went to Takodana
Instead of McDonald’s
I went to Tatooine
And found their Burger King
I went to Jakku
And thought the First Order shot you
But by some miracle
It seems you got through
Poe, my good buddy
Saved by Finn–
AKA Mr. Big Deal
In the Resistance
This is what we look like
Some of us are different
All you haters–
Get used to it
A man dressed in green
Rolls me through all drama
BB-8
Dodging TIE bombers
But from there
It doesn’t get any calmer
Riding on some garbage
Trying not to vomit
Because of Finn and Rey
The day’s saved
I like this scavenger
She is strong and brave
And people hating
Calling her a Mary Sue
Because she does things
They don’t know how to do
But I zealously defend
From the jealousy
Haters get shocked
Because they’re carbon copies
And I dare you
To come and try to stop me
I’m the one protecting
Lor San Tekka’s property
And just when
They think they got me
Poe blows ’em up
Whenever they’re getting sloppy

BB BB BB-8
Can’t you see?
You’re so perfect for
Our merchandising
Worth sixty portions
Every day
That’s why Leader Snoke
Is so afraid

Quite spherical
Getting lyrical and empirical
My numbers on the rise
While you’re stumbling
Maybe a few critics
Can’t get with it
But I’m Certified Fresh–
Unlike you, I’m successful
Like I dress up in robes
And straight bless folks
Everybody knows
I’m here to cash checks, though
People make
Their oranges look like me
I could make a mint
With BB-8 Nikes
Will they ever shut me down?
Never likely
Kids give me hugs
Their moms, they want to write me
And while I get
Rounds of applause
All you other astromechs
Just get demolished
While you polish yourself
With spit shine
I’m getting turtle wax
Why?  I’m deserving that
Can’t define or divine
My design
Infinity symbol
Got game like Nintendo
But I’m taking over
All your platforms
So consider this
My first and last warning
Roll out–
BB-8’s the new legend
Sold out
Every day without exception
I stack paper like
Bakers stack cakes I’m
BB-8
See me in The Force Awakens

BB BB BB-8
Can’t you see?
You’re so perfect for
Our merchandising
Worth sixty portions
Every day
That’s why Leader Snoke
Is so afraid
BB BB BB-8
Can’t you see?
You’re so perfect for
Our merchandising
Worth sixty portions
Every day
That’s why Leader Snoke
Is so afraid

Five Minutes on High

I melt with your touch
But
It doesn’t take much
Of
You to make my frozen heart thaw
This isn’t a love
I
Thought I would ever
Find
You’re so perfect just as you are
Slowly we both turn
And
Then hold tightly both
Hands
You’ve stirred up a warmth in my soul
I’m forgetting my
Plans
You’re getting all I
Can
Give because you just made me whole

Five minutes on high
I
Can’t ever deny
My
Love for you is strong
But
Life isn’t that long
Why?
Five minutes and I
Cried
I’m melting here in-
Side
You came for me and
You’re my
Five minutes on high

You’re what I was hoping
Now my heart is open
Everything I want is now here
Thought I’d be alone then
You found me here instead
I yearn for you to be near
Outside it is so cold
But love doesn’t get old
True love everyday is brand new
It’s not like I was told
Not something I could know
Not till the day I saw you

Five minutes on high
I
Can’t ever deny
My
Love for you is strong
But
Life isn’t that long
Why?
Five minutes and I
Cried
I’m melting here in-
Side
You came for me and
You’re my
Five minutes on high

Now here we both stand
You
Showed me what love can
Do
And now our heart is our home
The best is just ahead
The promises we’ve said
I know we’ll make them come true
I’ll cherish each moment with you

Five minutes on high
I
Can’t ever deny
My
Love for you is strong
But
Life isn’t that long
Why?
Five minutes and I
Cried
I’m melting here in-
Side
You came for me and
You’re my
Five minutes on high

 

Commentary:

I had this idea of a love song inspired by microwave dinners, so I went for it.  That said, there’s a little tongue-in-cheek humor embedded in this one.  You probably figured that out already.  Even so, I still think it’s a sweet song.  Hope you liked it.

“Tell That to Zod’s Snapped Neck”

Deployed the World Engine
Now the world’s ending
They’re about to be rubble
I wasn’t expecting trouble from
A dude in a red cape
Suddenly got a neck ache
Shrugged it off–
Born a soldier, I’m a heavyweight
Things didn’t turn out
Like I was hoping
With Kal about to drown
In the Indian Ocean
He’s recharged
And looking for more targets
Metropolis and Gotham are
Madison Square Garden
Hey, Kal
Sorry about your mom
If you destroy this ship,
You destroy Krypton!
He thinks about it
And I think he understands
Until he goes and says:
“Krypton had its chance!”
Then he attacks
And now I’ve got whiplash
No embryos
I’m about to see my ship crash
As the city is demolished
Beneath me
I see a man driving
In an SUV, he
Looks up in rage
As I smash up his satellite
Fists are flying
And now I’ve got to battle right
We’re deadlocked
Kal’s got me in a headlock
Oh no–
It’s actually a choke hold
Heat vision
And it’s last respects
For the family ahead
Until he snaps my neck

Whenever people
Offer disrespect
They can go ahead and
Tell that to Zod’s snapped neck
You see, it’s all about
The disconnect
Whatever–
You can tell that to Zod’s snapped neck

My vision blurs
As I hit the floor
And I feel the kind of pain
I’ve never felt before
And I was beaten
By a farmer and a scientist
Born a soldier?
Now I see what the science did
What good’s my skill set?
Kal hasn’t been killed yet
I feel that–
Plus my neck hasn’t been healed yet
So you can feel free
To tell it to my neck
It’s already been snapped
So it makes no difference
You can tell it about
Your wife and kids
You can tell it all the things
That are none of your business
You can tell it’s
A big running gag
From a twenty minute script
People think that it’s bad
But I don’t mind
Get a giggle everytime
Maybe I’m the only one
And I’m out of my mind
But then again
I did feel my neck snap
The wave of the pain
Could delay the new Lex app
But right now
I have my own theme song
Neck snapping back and forth
Like it’s ping-pong
You think my movie’s bad?
Well you can dream on
Stuckmann has proved
He could rewrite a scene on
Social media
It hit like a meteor
Or like a neck snapping
In a crowded, dark theater
And so it’s sad–
The kind of life you’ve got
Excuse me–I think I’m going to need
Some IcyHot

Whenever people
Offer disrespect
They can go ahead and
Tell that to Zod’s snapped neck
You see, it’s all about
The disconnect
Whatever–
You can tell that to Zod’s snapped neck

Superman killed me
They built him a statue
I’m wearing flippers
Getting stuck in a bathroom
And they compared me
To Lord of the Rings?
Tell that to Zod’s snapped neck
You fiends
You’re not required
To like Zack Snyder–
Who makes eight-fifty mill
And gets fired?
You’ll be declaring his doomsday
Till Tuesday
Then lining up
For Ultimate Cut Blu-Rays
Unlike Stuckmann
You’re out of luck, man
Neck’s messed up
In a bag zipping up, man
You’re having Knightmares
Of me standing right there
Picking the mask off your face
Like a ripe pear
And devils don’t come
From the sky
They hate like the Rotten Tomatoes
Do online
It’s a consensus
How their rage is pent up
All out of shape
Over movies, getting bent up
The requests
Mean a smashing success
The movie that millions
Of people have selected
And if it’s something
That you can’t accept
Then you can go tell that
To Zod’s snapped neck

Whenever people
Offer disrespect
They can go ahead and
Tell that to Zod’s snapped neck
You see, it’s all about
The disconnect
Whatever–
You can tell that to Zod’s snapped neck

Hey, come on now–
What did you expect?
Go bounce like bad checks
Or baskets of magnets
If I unfollowed
Or blocked you in sadness
It’s because you’re hating
And I just wasn’t having it
Wondering why?
‘Cause it’s not in my habit
To waste all my time
In a mood like Batman
Sorry folks
If you want to act savage
Then call up Vandal–
He’s the one who likes that
Go figure out
Where your life’s at
Like Victor Fries
Go chill where your wife’s at
And as for me
I’ll stick to where my mic’s at
In the Phantom Zone alone
When I write that
I will find him, Lara–
I will find him!
And if there are raps supreme
I will write them
More than good
The best you can expect
And if not, then
Tell that to Zod’s snapped neck
I hear an echo
Of you on my level
But when the dust settles
You’re down below several
I was trained
To master rap senses
My face is in the dictionary–
Where “intense” is
So whatever you are
Or your intent is
Zod’s snapped neck
Is where it’s all ending

Whenever people
Offer disrespect
They can go ahead and
Tell that to Zod’s snapped neck
You see, it’s all about
The disconnect
Whatever–
You can tell that to Zod’s snapped neck