Monthly Archives: December 2016

Gotham No Man’s Land (A ‘Winter Wonderland’/’The Dark Knight Rises’ Parody)

Crash this plane
With no survivors
I am Bane
I’ll mess your life up
You’ll stay here and die
The fire will rise
Turning Gotham into no man’s land
Now my men
Are in the sewers
You brought him here
And that was foolish
It’s cost you your life
Your body they’ll find
Floating in a Gotham no man’s land

“Who’s the only one
Who can disarm it?”
“Only me,” he says, and then he’s dead
Now the rich and powerful are broken
And here’s the truth about your Harvey Dent:

He is mad
He threatens children
So the Bat
Is not the villain
Now Gordon resigns
His name is maligned
Liberating Gotham no man’s land
Let’s begin
At Blackgate Prison
Those who’ll serve
Take up a mission
So do as you please
It’s brought to its knees
Enjoy the spoils of Gotham no man’s land

In a truck
We’re transporting a bomb and
We take Gotham back
From the corrupt
It has both a timer
And a button
Any second it might just erupt

I am Bane
The League of Shadows
Brings the pain
To every battle
We fire at cops
And watch as they drop
Gotham City is a no man’s land
You came back
To die with Gotham
And with that
I have no problem
With all these liars
You’ll imagine the fire
Gotham City is a no man’s land

There’s a reason
It’s the worst of prisons
Hope leads many men
Up to their deaths
You have my permission
To stop living
But only after Gotham
Meets its end

You punched my face
And broke my mask up
I’m in pain
There is no gas, so
How did you escape?
I never escaped
I lived for years inside a no man’s land
I am Bane
And I will break you
Unless the Cat-
Woman can save you
How can you love one
Who’s okay with guns?
Never mind–I’m in a no man’s land

Vader’s Back

Killer of billions
Murderer of children
Ultimate man in black
Is back as villain
Thought they killed him
Saved by his children
Armored and robed
Doesn’t care for civilians
The Deathtroopers
Bringing death to you
Soon as you hear his breath
You go stupid
And you’re hoping
The choking is quick
Even half of his past crimes
Make you feel sick
So play dead
When he stands in the doorway
Hope he doesn’t point
The dark side in your way

Rebel scum
Vader’s back
Vader’s back
Vader’s back

They made errors
On technological terrors
Exhaust ports
Exceeded the cost for it
And it must have struck
Vader as an irony
Kyber and machine combined
Like what’s inside of me
I grip the mic
And it’s like midichlorians
Speak with the force
That leaves you on the floor again
Make you wish
You could step through the door again
Raise a hand and stop you
Give you fatal problems
If they don’t give up the resources
We rob them
That’s called nationalizing
When we resolve them
You are clear to proceed–
It’s free parking
Stand there and wait
For the Grand Moff Tarkin
And while your Rebel resolve
Might be hardened
I’ll make you dirt
And spread you in my garden
We will choose your homes
To make examples
Give you more firepower
Than you can handle
Make your planet light up
Like a candle
Then crush you all
In the Empire’s mandibles

Rebel scum
Vader’s back
Vader’s back
Vader’s back

I was raised with
The scum and the villainy
Life as a slave
Never gave me humility
I was so good
At building things
Till the moment I learned
I was better at killing things
Life is so much simpler
When you fix it–
Look at how cool I got
From molten liquid
You try to look at me
But just ’cause you know who I am
Don’t forget to be
About running your mouth
Or a red lightsaber
Might end up sticking out
The Death Star
Is the culmination
Of the Emperor’s plans
To subjugate the vagrants
Of my strengths
Among them isn’t patience
If I want it done and
You fail, then I break heads
You might think
It’s a waste of life
But it’s just motivation
So they can get it right
And I’ll be back–
A key strategic moment
Catch me inside
Once the theaters are open

Rebel scum
Vader’s back
Vader’s back
Vader’s back