…To The Last Jedi…Rap

Skywalker has vanished
Like a planet
When resources are
Mismanaged
I can’t handle it
Take to the space lanes
And canvas
Till a map is found and returned
With safe handling
These are the first steps
Now we’re left to guess
The last two years
Have put me to the test
I’m stressed
Obsession
Speculation, confession
Is he the last?
Is that the wrong question?
Let the past die
Kill it if you have to
Rhymes like this
Need fresh beats to rap to
I’m being torn apart
By the sorrow
He would have disappointed you–
You follow?
Two years
The wait ends tomorrow
I have great faith so
Don’t get me wrongo
They liked it so much
They gave him three more
Tickets sold out
Like Porgs in the store

Now go
Oversee preparations
The Last Jedi rap
Will sweep across nations
This is the end for you
Speculations
The Last Jedi rap
Is here to make a statement

Is Rey a scavenger
Who was abandoned,
Or is she someone who’s
More than we imagined?
What does it mean
That there’s been an awakening?
Does that mean we shouldn’t expect
All of the same things?
Who is Snoke
And why does he look injured?
And will there be some
Knights of Ren action figures?
Are there slot machines
At Canto Bight?
More likely than not
Your Snoke theory is right–
From a certain point of view
If you believe that
Even if the truth is
Your theory is karabast
Even so, you’re charming
To the last
Episode VIII
Will rake in the cash
And all the fans catching
Personal feelings
About their franchises
Well, here is the real thing
Too proud of your
Technological terrors
But when you fight the Force
You’ll end up as failures

More questions left here
Than answers
Avoiding the Internet
Because it’s cancer
No tweets or news
And no YouTube
Spoilers could be hiding
In sofas like it was Blue’s Clues
Going radio silent
Reading books
Scared to even mention the film
It’s not a good look
And don’t make
A stranger mad–
They’ll tell you the ending,
Even if you didn’t ask
But there’s too much fun
To be had
Luke is the man
With the beard and the bag
And he is present at last
Before Xmas
One last movie is left
On every checklist
And so our strategy
Must now change
At last we reveal ourselves
When we’re in close range
Leading them to
The Last Jedi
Delusions of grandeur
Are soon to be realized
But the approach
Will not be easy
There’ll be haters out there
Desiring to squeeze me
But you must realize
You are doomed
Because The Last Jedi night
Is coming, quite soon

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