Monthly Archives: January 2018

Black Friday

I’m a husband and father
Only son and stepdaughter
Let me tell you the tale
Like a lamb to the slaughter
Then betrayed and forgotten
Yet I feel like I failed
She says no one will blame me
I don’t think she can see
That the mirror, it does
I had all the proof then
Of all that she was doing
And I still held my tongue
Now our marriage is ruined
And now I feel foolish
She was seeing someone

Let me tell you the deal and
It’s half off for my feelings
What a sale I have found
When the truth was revealed then
Everything became real
Are you happier now?

I saw things in the browser
And the warning came louder
When you went for a walk
And it lasted an hour
But still I was a coward
And we never did talk
You weren’t wearing your ring and
I just didn’t believe that
You would lie to me so
Our love died at the scene and
You were still acting mean
You’d decided to go
You could probably see it
Bloated there in a stream
Did you strangle it, though?

Let me tell you the deal and
It’s half off for my feelings
What a sale I have found
When the truth was revealed then
Everything became real
Are you happier now?

Now it’s three-quarters off and
Did you solve any problems?
Glad I kept the receipt
‘Cause I’m taking you back and
Paying for it, at that
Because you chose to leave
What a buyer’s remorse that
Our love became a war
And you stabbed me at last
I can’t take anymore and
You surrendered before
I could raise up a flag
But then I look at the price tag
We destroyed what we had
There can be no return
And yet you were my wife and
Here we had a good life
Now I’m watching it burn
And my tears are like fire
Was all of this required?
Was it worth it for you?
I would call you a liar
But I live the reminder
That’s enough of the truth
That this is what you do
To people who love you

Let me tell you the deal and
It’s half off for my feelings
What a sale I have found
When the truth was revealed then
Everything became real
Are you happier now?

Alone here in a crowd

Where love is not allowed

Commentary:

I have been thinking of writing a song with this title for awhile, because she left the day after Thanksgiving (14 months ago), often known around these parts as Black Friday. I wasn’t sure about telling this tale, but the idea for the specifics of the song came to me this morning, and I just went with it. It’s not my wish to paint her as a bad person, as I think with any relationship there are mistakes made by each person. I think I needed to do at least one song of this sort. There’s still more to do to find peace with everything. I hope one day, I find it. But at least I am at a point where I am ready to move forward with life. Despite my last song, I can’t say I have met anyone new, not anyone attainable, at least. Nor would I pursue that sort of thing as I am now. This is just a place I visit to express the feelings, and perhaps preserve them, then move on. I don’t really need to explain, I suppose. But I figured, if you’re reading, maybe you might be curious. I don’t really know what to do with this blog, or how I would want it to look in an ideal world. I’m just using it to share my writings, and through them, to share a piece of myself. Thanks for reading.

It’s Not A Date

You
Wait for me
In a café downtown like
A mystery queen
And who
Would I be
To refuse to surround myself
With silly dreams
Of you
You and me
What can be?
We will see

I know it’s not late
And it’s not a date
But I just can’t wait
To hear what you’ll say
I know it’s not fate
And it’s not a date
But I just can’t wait
To see you today

Hope
Precious hope
I know better than to
But I just can’t handle it
Oh
If I could know
That it’s worth it to have you
That love’s not a battle
It’s home
Safe at home
The thought is heartwarming
But my heart still warns me
Of you
It won’t be
It’s not easy
To breathe

I know it’s not late
And it’s not a date
But I just can’t wait
To hear what you’ll say
I know it’s not fate
And it’s not a date
But I just can’t wait
To see you today

Hello
How are you?
I’m so pleased to meet you
And I can’t believe you would
Choose
To see me
Out of all of the people
That surely want to see you
I know
There aren’t words
That can end
All the hurts
And you
Don’t know me
And maybe
We won’t be
I don’t
Yet believe
Finding love
Is easy
And so
When you leave
Let it go
Forget me

And for my own sake
I hope it’s not a date
So why can’t I wait
To behold your face?
I’d pray for this day
But it’s not a date
And it’s not our fate
We’ll go our own ways
What can I say?

As Much As I Can Get

I
Take away the scars
Upon my heart
You leave
I
Take away the parts
All the soft and hard
Memories
You
May be here yet gone
Like the sound of
Melodies
You
May be right and wrong
And I miss you
Terribly

As much as I can get
Even if nothing’s left
Pieces here I carry
Of a love still left unburied
As much as I can get
It lingers like regret
Lonely here and scary
To think that’s all I’m getting
Of you

The
Touches of your hand
Glimpses of your
Lovely smile
A
Picture on a stand
Things I haven’t seen
In awhile
Time
Took us our own ways
Wonder how it ends
For us
I’m
Waiting for the day
When I find someone
To trust

As much as I can get
Even if nothing’s left
Pieces here I carry
Of a love still left unburied
As much as I can get
It lingers like regret
Lonely here and scary
To think that’s all I’m getting
Of you

A whisper
Or a smell
The joy
Of being held
When you were happy dancing
Or a moment of romancing
A letter
That you wrote
That restored
All my hope
But time, the greatest gift
That you could spend it with
The person
You once loved
Who do you
Now think of?
I know it isn’t me and
I know that we can’t be
So what
Am I to do
With memories
Of you?
They’re breaking me to pieces
I fought and was defeated
It’s time
To let it go
And face
All the unknown
I face it here alone
In the shell of our old home
With

As much as I can get
Even if nothing’s left
Pieces here we carry
Of a love still left unburied
As much as I can get
It lingers like regret
Lonely here and scary
To think that’s all I’m getting
Of you