Monthly Archives: February 2018

The Shipwreck

They say I’m still young
But I don’t feel young
It’s getting real, son
Like a last meal from
Time as a thief
‘Cause it likes to steal from
Every soul that’s passed on
Or breathes on
Got limps and crow’s feet
And back pain
The ship is sinking
Sort of like the rap game
Switched the blinkers
But it’s still like the fast lane
What was I thinking when
I chose this path again?
And nothing gaining on me
But the bills
And the LDL
It closes for the kill
Dreamlike in life
I can’t feel
But the sadness
That much, it tells me it’s real
Still shocked emotions
Can’t deal
Drawing in breath
Is losing its appeal

Having dreams at night
During his birthday
Didn’t even ask my wife
About the cupcakes
And there I held him
It felt like reality
And then it all fell away
With a finality
And he was eight hundred miles
Away again
And I was there alone
Within the same bed
That I shared with his mama
The heartbreak truce descended
Into war
And she retreats
But she still won’t surrender
Even in my dreams
My brain still defends her
I was a hero
And a hypocrite
Made a vow to love
And I let it get diffident
I don’t know
What’s ahead
Three more years
Or three minutes till I’m dead
Does it matter
‘Cause it’s been said–
The corner of a roof
Or a bad life instead?

Is it worthless
Here without purpose?
Might be those who would say
That I deserve this
In two weeks
I look at the sheets
Do I go to court
And fight to be released
From a marriage?
Horse but no carriage
None of the perks
But still it won’t perish
How do you cut loose
Someone you cherish?
Sinking in the ship
And feeling quite embarrassed
Put my captain’s hat
Under my arm
Don’t even shed a tear
Or be alarmed
‘Cause I built it with
Shoddy materials
Not enough truth
And too much mysterious
I know I can’t breathe
But air doesn’t much reduce
My disorder
The acrid odor
Of smoke and fire
As I ponder what more
Could have been required

Is this what needs
To be done?
Words on a paper
So we could be one
All of that is
Simply undone
With more words worse
Than what we’ve become
I feel scared
Unable to bear it
I could print it out
But then I’d just tear it
The truth is
I wanted to die
But in spite of this
I fought for your side
Too much of me
I did hide
But I couldn’t leave
Even if I’d tried
I would
Implode for you
With all that I suffered
I think I was going to
But if I died
I would die fighting
Staring at a white flag
As of this writing
‘Cause you gave our love
The seppuku
Killed it
Left for dead because you choose to
Run away
Easier to face yourself
When you can move and then
Just replace yourself
Or was it me
That you wanted to replace?
I’ve still got stuff of yours
Up in the place
A lesser man or better man
Would chase
But I know when I’m not wanted
I can’t escape it
Time to sign
And divide our lives
But it feels like deciding
About how to die
I didn’t choose this
It was made for me
Married, a dad, divorced
Before forty?
Can I last through
The final stage?
Every level ground is uphill
At my age
But they tell me
I’m still young–
Just means there’s more parts left
Of me to kill from