Monthly Archives: February 2019

My Mortality

Life is a joke
With a punchline behind it
A journey with
Few answers to find and
I don’t have a sense of humor
Today
Not into the latest rumors
You’ll say
A lot on my mind and
Too undecided
And still one thing of
Which I’m reminded

My morality
Correlates with causality
And every scene is of
My mortality
My reality
Is nothing but a fallacy
And every meaning ends with
My mortality

The smoke of lies and
I’m still here blinded
With each new day worried
I’ll be blindsided
But maybe I can fool you
Today
Say everything is cool with
Decay
It’s on my mind and
Death not far behind it
It’s the one thing of
Which I’m reminded

My morality
Correlates with causality
And every scene is of
My mortality
My reality
Is nothing but a fallacy
And every meaning ends with
My mortality

Inherent danger
In angst and anger
And life is strange, but
Death is stranger
We’re killing time
And we’re waiting for it
But really time
Is the killing one, yet I
Don’t even mind
‘Cause we’re
Still surviving
For now alive
But still I am reminded

My morality
Correlates with causality
And every scene is of
My mortality
My reality
Is nothing but a fallacy
And every meaning ends with
My mortality

 

Commentary:

I was feeling a little bleak and wrote this one. One of the side effects of mild depression is, as I understand it, thinking about death. I don’t suppose I’ve been in the area of self-harm for a long time, but I do worry a lot about death. I keep telling myself not to, because it only happens once, and then it’s over.

The search for meaning continues.  Everything that I give a part of myself to, I wonder, will it count for anything?  I know I won’t be remembered at a job or a company for anything.  I’ve left my faith behind.  I don’t think highly of my efforts as husband and father, especially given some of the songs I’ve posted here about very personal matters that arguably should have remained private, even at the cost of keeping the songs it inspired hidden from view.  So there are issues, there, in wondering if who I am, what I’m capable of, means something.  Or worse, if it means something bad.

Perhaps I should just follow the advice of Hazel Grace in The Fault in Our Stars and just ignore it, instead of worrying about oblivion.  I can’t believe I read that book and still had to web search for her name, but here we are.  Anyway, that’s all.  Thanks for reading.