Whatever, Just Whatever

This crazy game
We just cannot stop losing
This is insane
And its pain is abusing
All of my trust
Is now withered to dust
Because of us
Messing up
Did I want
You too much?

Are we just better
When we’re not together?
I’m still a debtor
To my deep regret, oh
Are we just better
When we’re not together?
Whatever, just whatever

I feel alone
Even when you’re in the room
This was our home
When you left it too soon
This bride and groom
Volunteered to be fools
Drafted into
Wars of words we both lose

Are we just better
When we’re not together?
I’m still a debtor
To my deep regret, oh
Are we just better
When we’re not together?
Whatever, just whatever

It’s empty thoughts
Memories of when we fought
It’s all we’ve got
Is this love
Or is it not?
Promises break
When we don’t do what it takes
Was it a mistake?
Was it real
When you were fake?
Here by ourselves
And pretending as well
How can we tell?
Is it clear that we failed?

Are we just better
When we’re not together?
I’m still a debtor
To my deep regret, oh
Are we just better
When we’re not together?
Whatever, just whatever
Did you do better
When we weren’t together?
All this unsettled
And even at best, oh
We are no better
When we are together
Whatever, just whatever
Just whatever

Commentary:

This was another of those songs that popped into my head right as I was trying to go to sleep, and I said, alright, guess I have to write it down because I won’t remember it in the morning or I’ll lose the feeling, the music of it. It is also based on real feelings. I’ve shared too much on this blog about that, and I know she hates it when I talk about this sort of thing online, worries that I’m seeking to make her look bad. So if I’ve done that, it was not deliberately.

Some days I’m emotional about love and other days I’m thinking, look, it’s not that serious, and the main thing is to eat, sleep, and work, so that we may one day be able to enjoy that movie, book, video game or comic for whatever time is left. And maybe, while we’re at it, try not to do any harm to anyone, or make them too angry, etc. ‘Just basically stay out of the way and watch movies, read books, etc.’ pretty much sums up life for me.

But I’ve spent decades being ashamed of my true feelings and of any number of “bad” things I was afraid of saying or doing. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life that way. I may not be able to share every thought or feeling here, all of what I could say, but I like sharing a part of myself with the larger world out there, even though I’ll never know how many people even noticed. Quiet as I am, even I like to be noticed, sometimes. I am human, after all–I passed the Captcha thing, so that totally proves it. I can identify a grainy picture of a traffic light that seems really subjective, because that’s what humanity is all about. Anyway, thanks for reading.

3 thoughts on “Whatever, Just Whatever

    1. Thanks so much! This is maybe the third or fourth time anyone has even commented on a song of mine. 🙂 I don’t actually know how to write music, but I do have the music in my head. One day I need to learn the piano, at least. If I had a singing voice, I would just record these songs. I’ll have to work on that. Thanks again!

      1. As a musician myself I highly reccomend you pick up the piano, that is the primary instrument to learn, if you know piano you can learn anything else and it’s easier to find a tune to your song. Maybe collaborate with another musician and they can help you get your song started and/or teach you a little bit about playing music 😊 keep up the great work and good luck 👌😁

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