Category Archives: Misc. Songs & Such

The Tracks Beyond Us

I could say you’re
Unfaithful
So ungrateful
But mainly I just feel ashamed
On good days it
Wasn’t painful
But still unable
To give you love worthy of the name
If you beckoned me near
I’d still feel the fear
The fog of my heart so unclear
How in the world did I steer
To get me from there to right here?

I look at
The tracks beyond us
And let’s be honest
They’re taking us too far away
I look at
The tracks beyond us
And the broken promise
But my heart gets stronger each day

Alone in my
Head space
In this dead place
With moments my steps can’t retrace
At home with a
Blank face
And an angst face
I still cannot feel like I’m safe
The bed forgets your smell
Oh, the tales it could tell
Lock me up in my shell
Lower me into this well
Entranced by a memory’s spell

I look at
The tracks beyond us
And let’s be honest
They’re taking us too far away
I look at
The tracks beyond us
And the broken promise
But my heart gets stronger each day

Would that you’d never left
‘Cause every breath
Is harder than death to accept
Leaving me so bereft
With every step
A sad joke that I just don’t get

I look at
The tracks beyond us
And let’s be honest
They’re taking us too far away
I look at
The tracks beyond us
And the broken promise
But my heart gets stronger each day

The Sooner That You Know

Sounds like
You’re still in love with her
From everything
That you felt and heard
The door is open
And you are hoping
But your heart is broken
From every word unspoken
But how will you know
If you should really part
If you let go
Without telling her what’s on your heart?

The sooner that you know
The sooner you can see
I want you to go
But don’t want you to leave

Tonight
I couldn’t sleep again
Tears from my eyes
As I contemplate the end
The door is closing
And yet the time is frozen
This isn’t what I’ve chosen
I don’t know where I’m going
To
There is no path here without you
And my mind
Could never be made up
To accept a breakup
I cannot bear the weight of
Living without you

The sooner that you know
The sooner you can see
I want you to go
But don’t want you to leave

I’m crushed
From the memory of your touch
Every day it is too much
Is it like that for
The both of us?
Can we
Ever learn from history?
Or are we just supposed to leave?
So what
And who is there left to trust?
I can paint a picture of us
And it’s rosy
But you’re not there
To hold me
So be
Live your life and leave me here to bleed

The sooner that you know
The sooner you can see
I want you to go
But don’t want you to leave

 

Commentary:

Alright, this one is actually inspired by real feelings.  There is a sense of confusion about my marriage, even though it’s existed in name only for a year and a half now.  I wrote this one late at night when I couldn’t sleep.  Last night, actually.  In some ways it is fitting to have it be so conflicted.  I have never really been able to share my deepest feelings with her, and I am not sure she would even be open to them, in some cases.  But there’s nothing more that can be said or done now, I suppose.  I just needed to get the feelings out, that’s all.  I hope I don’t feel compelled to keep writing about heartbreak in the future.  I just miss going home to someone, not having to miss someone.  But maybe I wasn’t a good enough husband, so…guess I just had it coming.  Songs can’t fix any of that, nor would I want them to.  I know there aren’t that many of you out there, but I’m always thankful for you.  As always, thanks for reading.

A Lie Put To Music

I fall in love with you
Suddenly I’m a poet
I’ve given you my heart
You ran away and stole it
It’s not as if you’re moved
By anything I wrote then
I couldn’t get to you
Through all the things we’ve broken

It’s a lie put to music
So why even do it?
It really is quite useless
It’s a lie put to music
So why don’t we remove it?
Why put us through that?

You could be someone new
Or who I gave my life to
What does it matter who?
I’m just a guy you’ll lie to
No matter what I feel
I’ll never even say so
I can’t imagine real
When love is so painful

It’s a lie put to music
So why even do it?
It really is quite useless
It’s a lie put to music
So why don’t we remove it?
Why put us through that?

All these false songs
When love is wrong
The feeling’s so strong
But doesn’t belong
And it doesn’t take long
To make a man fall
And love crushes all
With its mad siren’s call

It’s a lie put to music
So why even do it?
It really is quite useless
A lie put to music
So why don’t we remove it?
Why put us through that?
A lie put to music
Isn’t an improvement
I haven’t met the truth yet
Or is it in this song?
Is it in this song?
Is it in this song?
Is it in this song?

Mathematics

There’s a zero
Point zero zero one four five
Chance
That you’d ever look my way
And the odds
Are too slim to compile
And it’s slowing down
My frame rate
All I’ve known
Is when I do the math
Subtraction
Is all I’ve ever had
And love
Finds new ways to divide
But could
You be the one I get to add?

Mathematics
Never was my thing
So I don’t know if
There even is a one
I’ve had it
With these kinds of dreams
Because they never
Add up the way I want

And the number
Of people I know
Is more than
The ones I’d care to trust
As the problems
Multiply by fives
All around me
In a rough kind of radius
I wonder if
You could become my prime
Because I’m sad
In ways I cannot sum
I wish
That you could become mine
Then you’d
Be divided by yourself and one

Mathematics
Never was my thing
So I don’t know if
There even is a one
I’ve had it
With these kinds of dreams
Because they never
Add up the way I want

And the shape
Of love is long forgotten
With it, too,
The calculus of lust
I’d find
Or measure the right angle
To approach
But I’m afraid I’d get too close
Miscalculating
Is the real danger
And hope
The least common thing I’ve known
Is there
A fraction of a chance
A tenth of a tenth
For a romance?
I’m tired
Of just being one half
So I figured
At least that I might ask

Mathematics
Never was my thing
So I don’t know if
There even is a one
I’ve had it
With these kinds of dreams
Because they never
Add up the way I want
It’s a game
That’s always zero sum
Being alone
Always feels like less than one

 

Commentary:

This isn’t about anyone in particular, I just had an idea.  Not nearly as nerdy as someone with actual math skills could have made it, but I tried.  I’m sure it’s been done before.  There hasn’t been much inspiration lately in the love category.  Not that I’d be looking for love or something.  The probabilities seem too unfavorable in that regard.  I’m still in a state of relationship limbo–can’t afford to get out, literally, but also experiencing none of the actual benefits of a relationship.  Anyway, I had a pleasant dream about meeting someone, and maybe it helped give me a good enough feeling to write this.  Thanks for reading.

Light Switch

What’s worse?
To be seen by you?
It hurts
To be invisible
While you
Could just catch my eye
Then do
Not a thing but walk on by
I feel
More than I imagined
And still
Can’t believe that happened
How did
You get so close to me
And yet
You haven’t done anything

Light switch
Can you turn back off?
I wish
You wouldn’t let me fall
For her

Supposed
To be gone by now
Too close
The silence is too loud
Turn down
Because it’s scarred so hard
Around
You I feel it’s gone
You’d melt
The ice inside of me
But who’s telling
These lies but me?
No one
But you won’t go away
I want
So bad for you to stay

Light switch
Can you turn back off?
I wish
You wouldn’t let me fall
For her

I don’t want to
Be the one to
Hear you say
The words, “I want you”
I’m not here for
Being fearful
You would go
Then all the tears flow
I am crying
I am finding
No more love left
Here inside me
Do not start this
Brokenhearted
Man to hoping
For a starlit
Romantic day
Coming his way
Followed by
A love betrayed

Light switch
Can you turn back off?
I wish
You wouldn’t let me fall
For her
I don’t want to
Feel this hurt
In case you
Haven’t heard

Black Friday

I’m a husband and father
Only son and stepdaughter
Let me tell you the tale
Like a lamb to the slaughter
Then betrayed and forgotten
Yet I feel like I failed
She says no one will blame me
I don’t think she can see
That the mirror, it does
I had all the proof then
Of all that she was doing
And I still held my tongue
Now our marriage is ruined
And now I feel foolish
She was seeing someone

Let me tell you the deal and
It’s half off for my feelings
What a sale I have found
When the truth was revealed then
Everything became real
Are you happier now?

I saw things in the browser
And the warning came louder
When you went for a walk
And it lasted an hour
But still I was a coward
And we never did talk
You weren’t wearing your ring and
I just didn’t believe that
You would lie to me so
Our love died at the scene and
You were still acting mean
You’d decided to go
You could probably see it
Bloated there in a stream
Did you strangle it, though?

Let me tell you the deal and
It’s half off for my feelings
What a sale I have found
When the truth was revealed then
Everything became real
Are you happier now?

Now it’s three-quarters off and
Did you solve any problems?
Glad I kept the receipt
‘Cause I’m taking you back and
Paying for it, at that
Because you chose to leave
What a buyer’s remorse that
Our love became a war
And you stabbed me at last
I can’t take anymore and
You surrendered before
I could raise up a flag
But then I look at the price tag
We destroyed what we had
There can be no return
And yet you were my wife and
Here we had a good life
Now I’m watching it burn
And my tears are like fire
Was all of this required?
Was it worth it for you?
I would call you a liar
But I live the reminder
That’s enough of the truth
That this is what you do
To people who love you

Let me tell you the deal and
It’s half off for my feelings
What a sale I have found
When the truth was revealed then
Everything became real
Are you happier now?

Alone here in a crowd

Where love is not allowed

Commentary:

I have been thinking of writing a song with this title for awhile, because she left the day after Thanksgiving (14 months ago), often known around these parts as Black Friday. I wasn’t sure about telling this tale, but the idea for the specifics of the song came to me this morning, and I just went with it. It’s not my wish to paint her as a bad person, as I think with any relationship there are mistakes made by each person. I think I needed to do at least one song of this sort. There’s still more to do to find peace with everything. I hope one day, I find it. But at least I am at a point where I am ready to move forward with life. Despite my last song, I can’t say I have met anyone new, not anyone attainable, at least. Nor would I pursue that sort of thing as I am now. This is just a place I visit to express the feelings, and perhaps preserve them, then move on. I don’t really need to explain, I suppose. But I figured, if you’re reading, maybe you might be curious. I don’t really know what to do with this blog, or how I would want it to look in an ideal world. I’m just using it to share my writings, and through them, to share a piece of myself. Thanks for reading.

It’s Not A Date

You
Wait for me
In a café downtown like
A mystery queen
And who
Would I be
To refuse to surround myself
With silly dreams
Of you
You and me
What can be?
We will see

I know it’s not late
And it’s not a date
But I just can’t wait
To hear what you’ll say
I know it’s not fate
And it’s not a date
But I just can’t wait
To see you today

Hope
Precious hope
I know better than to
But I just can’t handle it
Oh
If I could know
That it’s worth it to have you
That love’s not a battle
It’s home
Safe at home
The thought is heartwarming
But my heart still warns me
Of you
It won’t be
It’s not easy
To breathe

I know it’s not late
And it’s not a date
But I just can’t wait
To hear what you’ll say
I know it’s not fate
And it’s not a date
But I just can’t wait
To see you today

Hello
How are you?
I’m so pleased to meet you
And I can’t believe you would
Choose
To see me
Out of all of the people
That surely want to see you
I know
There aren’t words
That can end
All the hurts
And you
Don’t know me
And maybe
We won’t be
I don’t
Yet believe
Finding love
Is easy
And so
When you leave
Let it go
Forget me

And for my own sake
I hope it’s not a date
So why can’t I wait
To behold your face?
I’d pray for this day
But it’s not a date
And it’s not our fate
We’ll go our own ways
What can I say?

As Much As I Can Get

I
Take away the scars
Upon my heart
You leave
I
Take away the parts
All the soft and hard
Memories
You
May be here yet gone
Like the sound of
Melodies
You
May be right and wrong
And I miss you
Terribly

As much as I can get
Even if nothing’s left
Pieces here I carry
Of a love still left unburied
As much as I can get
It lingers like regret
Lonely here and scary
To think that’s all I’m getting
Of you

The
Touches of your hand
Glimpses of your
Lovely smile
A
Picture on a stand
Things I haven’t seen
In awhile
Time
Took us our own ways
Wonder how it ends
For us
I’m
Waiting for the day
When I find someone
To trust

As much as I can get
Even if nothing’s left
Pieces here I carry
Of a love still left unburied
As much as I can get
It lingers like regret
Lonely here and scary
To think that’s all I’m getting
Of you

A whisper
Or a smell
The joy
Of being held
When you were happy dancing
Or a moment of romancing
A letter
That you wrote
That restored
All my hope
But time, the greatest gift
That you could spend it with
The person
You once loved
Who do you
Now think of?
I know it isn’t me and
I know that we can’t be
So what
Am I to do
With memories
Of you?
They’re breaking me to pieces
I fought and was defeated
It’s time
To let it go
And face
All the unknown
I face it here alone
In the shell of our old home
With

As much as I can get
Even if nothing’s left
Pieces here we carry
Of a love still left unburied
As much as I can get
It lingers like regret
Lonely here and scary
To think that’s all I’m getting
Of you

Still in Pain

Feels like we both
Want to blame ourselves
Reiterate all
Of the ways we failed
And we couldn’t endure
The storms at sea
Shipwrecked, watching you
Float away from me

The weight of our tears
Makes the oceans rise
I can feel you here
If I fantasize
Our fingertips they touch
As they begin release
But is the end of love
Really a relief?

So we drift away
Because you wouldn’t stay
And face the rain
And yet we’re still in pain
So we drift away
A little more each day
I can feel the change
And yet we’re still in pain

And maybe all my dreams
Conceal the silent screams
Over all we lost
As I turn and toss
I wonder what it means
What remains unseen
Is the future of
What would’ve been our love

“I haven’t been able to
Tell you everything.
I don’t think words could express
The warmth of your caress
And the brief rays of light
Of our happiness.
I kept too much inside,
Hidden from you,
You, the one I treasured most.
I have loved you,
And I love you still.
Although you are gone,
I always will.
Hold onto the pieces of me
That you can.
A kiss.  A moment in the moonlight.
I should’ve held you tighter
That last time.
If you were going to go,
It’s the least I could do.
I’m sorry I didn’t give enough.
Wherever you go now,
I gave the best years of me
To you.”

And maybe all my dreams
Conceal the silent screams
Over all we lost
As I turn and toss
And maybe what you need
Can never come from me
But I hope you find it
I’ll always be reminded
Of you

Put Your Flags Down For Me

I just barely got here
And I’m screaming
Full of hopes and of fears
And things to believe in
Look to you and you fill me
With teachings
Then I look at your life
And what am I seeing?

Well, hopefully,
What I’m hoping to see
Put your flags down
For me

Tell me is the past
More vital than the future?
Is what could be
Less to you than what it used to?
The questions I ask
Are because I’m planning
And the world that we have
I am not understanding

Well, hopefully,
What I’m hoping to see
Put your flags down
For me

I’m not asking for
Global world order
But love shouldn’t end
At our borders
They’re people just like
You and me
Neighbors just under
A different tree
Just wanting to be

This is about our children
We can teach them our skills, then
We can give them new dreams
And watch them fulfill them
This is not about banners
It’s about what matters
Because we won’t have to
See what comes after
But they will
I hope they can still

Well, hopefully,
What I’m hoping to see
Put your flags down
For me
Most importantly,
What I hope it will be
Join your hands now
For me