Category Archives: Misc. Songs & Such

Still in Pain

Feels like we both
Want to blame ourselves
Reiterate all
Of the ways we failed
And we couldn’t endure
The storms at sea
Shipwrecked, watching you
Float away from me

The weight of our tears
Makes the oceans rise
I can feel you here
If I fantasize
Our fingertips they touch
As they begin release
But is the end of love
Really a relief?

So we drift away
Because you wouldn’t stay
And face the rain
And yet we’re still in pain
So we drift away
A little more each day
I can feel the change
And yet we’re still in pain

And maybe all my dreams
Conceal the silent screams
Over all we lost
As I turn and toss
I wonder what it means
What remains unseen
Is the future of
What would’ve been our love

“I haven’t been able to
Tell you everything.
I don’t think words could express
The warmth of your caress
And the brief rays of light
Of our happiness.
I kept too much inside,
Hidden from you,
You, the one I treasured most.
I have loved you,
And I love you still.
Although you are gone,
I always will.
Hold onto the pieces of me
That you can.
A kiss.  A moment in the moonlight.
I should’ve held you tighter
That last time.
If you were going to go,
It’s the least I could do.
I’m sorry I didn’t give enough.
Wherever you go now,
I gave the best years of me
To you.”

And maybe all my dreams
Conceal the silent screams
Over all we lost
As I turn and toss
And maybe what you need
Can never come from me
But I hope you find it
I’ll always be reminded
Of you

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Put Your Flags Down For Me

I just barely got here
And I’m screaming
Full of hopes and of fears
And things to believe in
Look to you and you fill me
With teachings
Then I look at your life
And what am I seeing?

Well, hopefully,
What I’m hoping to see
Put your flags down
For me

Tell me is the past
More vital than the future?
Is what could be
Less to you than what it used to?
The questions I ask
Are because I’m planning
And the world that we have
I am not understanding

Well, hopefully,
What I’m hoping to see
Put your flags down
For me

I’m not asking for
Global world order
But love shouldn’t end
At our borders
They’re people just like
You and me
Neighbors just under
A different tree
Just wanting to be

This is about our children
We can teach them our skills, then
We can give them new dreams
And watch them fulfill them
This is not about banners
It’s about what matters
Because we won’t have to
See what comes after
But they will
I hope they can still

Well, hopefully,
What I’m hoping to see
Put your flags down
For me
Most importantly,
What I hope it will be
Join your hands now
For me

Brother

Brother
Oh brother
Tell me where art thou?
Tell me where’s your heart now?
Brother
Oh brother
Haven’t you forgot how
We were at the start now?
We cared for
One another
Cheered at every touchdown
Wasn’t that enough now?

I can’t imagine you forgot
You’re everything that I am not
Sorrow is my present lot
The pain inside, it never stops

Brother
Oh, brother
If I was your role model
Then why all the bravado?
Brother
Oh, brother
Now who do you follow?
Some faith that you borrowed?
We cried for
One another
But do you even care now?
‘Cause you aren’t even there now

There was a time
When we were friends
But everything
Must have an end
This message to you
Now I send
You’re everything I wish I’d been

Brother
Oh, brother
Now who will you die for?
Those people that you lie for?
Brother
Oh, brother
Is everything you fight for
Worth what you sacrificed for?
I’m scared for
Every other
When brothers can
Just do this
In the name of being foolish

I’ve never seen my only niece
I find that there is no relief
I buried all my greatest grief
I wonder if you hated me
I’m doing fine
I’m safe and free
There’s nothing you
Could say to me
You’re everything
I tried to be
I failed and you’re
Surviving me

So brother
Go, brother
And do what you are meant for
We’re opposites in this war
So goodbye
Goodbye
Try not to die for them
Or do whatever’s right for them
While I’m grieving you
Grieving you
I’m leaving too
Leaving too
Leaving too

 

Commentary:

I don’t really talk much about my brother, but I was inspired to write this song one morning after a bad dream.  I suppose I’ve buried a lot of the feelings I have about him, for my own sake.  Family has been on my mind more than ever since my wife left me.  I don’t know that I miss my brother.  It’s more of a regret, that no matter how life went, we always managed to be opposites of each other.  I don’t let myself feel, as far as all that goes.  I’ve lost a lot of people I cared about because of religious differences, and I have to live with that.  The only way I can is to not feel as I normally would.  Repression, I suppose.  A poor choice, perhaps, but I had to work with the tools I had inside, not the tools I didn’t have.  So, this was a brief window into the feelings I prefer to keep buried.  Thanks for reading.

Open Mic, 7-12-17

I don’t want
This silence anymore
Until I get
What this moment is for
I think that fully half
Of life is gone
The only thing I have left
Is wrong
All the things I did wrong

On my birthday
All I get are e-mails
From companies
That just want to make sales
I wonder, should
It mean something to me?
I don’t know yet
Of who I am to be
Who am I to be?

I’m lonely here
But no one noticed me
My wife still calls
From deep in Tennessee
My heart is in
A big tail spin away
A garden is
Not meant for withering
It should be growing things

I want someone
To care for me
Tenderly
Be there for me
Intimately
And carefully
Tend the hurts
And share my dreams

Perhaps I’m
Too rough around the edges
And then I’ve
Fallen from too many ledges
In life
Too many regrets and
Too much to forget and
Too much left unsaid that
Led to less fulfillment

One day I’ll leave
And then there’ll be
No one to say these words
I’ll never be
Completely free
Until I’m truly heard

Lonely thirty-something man
Seeks something he can’t understand
Something he can’t really have
A love that for once really lasts
Love
Isn’t that a laugh?

But I think I’ve said
Enough today
I’ll turn around
And walk away

High Society

We’ll shop in the districts, baby
There’s no window shopping cart for me
I’ll drown you in kisses, maybe
I’ll make you see visions, probably
We’re driving my car, dangerous
My heart’s in a race it can’t complete
I’ll make you say, “Baby, yes!
I want you in first place here with me.”

We could live like kings and queens
Just imagine how perfect it would be
And I’ll be your princess,
Your lover, your mistress
High society
With a love like me
You know you’ll never need anything
And I’ll be like Christmas
Your gift wrapped in this dress
High society

I fell asleep on your heart last night
I’m reckless and passionate, it seems
There’s nothing in my life I like
But chasing after the latest things
But you’re my diamonds, baby
With you on my arm I’m sparkling
You might think I’m lying, maybe
But you are the gentleman for me

We could live like kings and queens
Just imagine how perfect it would be
And I’ll be your princess,
Your lover, your mistress
High society
With a love like me
You know you’ll never need anything
And I’ll be like Christmas
Your gift wrapped in this dress
High society

And I still want more
It’s like you opened my double doors
And what you’re waiting for
Is everything you deserved before
You and I will soar
‘Cause you’re the perfect score
I’m loving what’s in store
With you I’m never bored

We could live like kings and queens
Just imagine how perfect it would be
And I’ll be your princess,
Your lover, your mistress
High society
With a love like me
You know you’ll never need anything
And I’ll be like Christmas
Your gift wrapped in this dress
High society

 

Commentary:

I have no idea where this one came from, but it popped into my head so I wrote it down.  I was somewhat thinking of the seductive nature of a credit card, personified, but then it kind of took off from there.  I tried writing from the woman’s point of view this time, obviously a rich woman, unless perhaps that’s symbolic.  You could look at it that way.  I really wanted to write something new, since it felt like I hadn’t posted anything in awhile.  Well, thanks for reading.

Lessons of Love

I have been in love
Yes, more than once
But never found
Just what I want
It’s not in her eyes
Or in a kiss
Now I see there’s
So much more than this
Because love is not
What you can see
It’s about what you
Do really need

Yet love is strong
And I am weak
There’s so much more
For it to teach
I only hope
That I can learn
And this time find
What I deserve

It’s in her voice
And in her laugh
With her I can
Forget the past
When we talk it’s like
Time becomes lost
And nothing else
Is worth my thoughts
It’s about more than
Holding her hand
It’s knowing that
She understands

Yet love is strong
And I am weak
There’s so much more
For it to teach
I only hope
That I can learn
And this time find
What I deserve

So quietly
How love unfolds
As morning dew
Makes flowers grow
When it happens
I suppose I’ll know
And when I do
I’ll tell her so
If the stars will shine
On me this time
I know that I
Will treat her right

Yet love is strong
And I am weak
There’s so much more
For it to teach
I only hope
That I can learn
And this time find
What I deserve

The Greatest Lie

Love is a series
Of stops and starts
Till it stops your heart
Love isn’t really
What you think you’ve got
No, it’s really not
Love is a trick of
The best of you
Then the rest of you
Love is what I’m sick of
An obsession too
How it stresses you

Love is the greatest lie
Of them all
Without it no one would cry
As they fall
Love causes more problems
Than it solves
They say it’s the greatest time
But they’re wrong

Love is a liar
It says, “Listen, here’s
What you want to hear.
Nothing’s required–
Except your life
Everything inside.”
Love is an illness
It poisons you
Tells you what to do
Wish I could kill it
That’s why I’m going to
Be avoiding you

Love is the greatest lie
Of them all
Without it no one would cry
As they fall
Love causes more problems
Than it solves
They say it’s the greatest time
But they’re wrong

Why do I keep coming back to you
When I don’t have the right attitude?
I won’t believe the sweet platitudes
My heart is still chasing after you
I’d rather meet love with my head
So I see the dangers ahead
But all of that’s supposed to be gone
From now on

Love is the greatest lie
Of them all
Without it no one would cry
As they fall
Love causes more problems
Than it solves
They say it’s the greatest time
But they’re wrong

Junk Mail

I’m done with the day
Then I see your name
When I open the mailbox
And it’s back again
Like it was the same
It’s not like I really forgot
My heart is in shreds
And our love is dead
And yet here this envelope torments me
You’re still in my head
The words that you said
But I don’t think you could forgive me
And you decided to set sail
You should have taken all your mail

I almost
Want to forward
Your junk mail
To you
I know it’s
Not a problem
It’s something
To do
I almost
Want to forward
Your junk mail
To you

It gathers in piles
It has for awhile
I guess they never got the message
My heart would go wild
When I saw your smile
And even now I don’t regret it
You changed up the story
Now your territory
Is all uprooted and everywhere
Put yourself before me
And then you destroy me
But maybe in hindsight it’s fair
And you decided to set sail
Without you these walls feel like jail

I almost
Want to forward
Your junk mail
To you
I know it’s
Not a problem
It’s something
To do
I almost
Want to forward
Your junk mail
To you

It’s moments like these that I fail
How love can burn down to the tiniest detail
Why couldn’t they just send e-mail
Instead of leaving me this brokenhearted trail?

I almost
Want to forward
Your junk mail
To you
I know it’s
Not a problem
It’s something
To do
I almost
Want to forward
Your junk mail
To you
To you
To you
I want to forward it
To you
To you
I’d forward your junk mail

 

My Last Life

On our summer breeze
Love is sweet for you and me
In everything I please you
And every day I need you
Loving you is treasure
Joyful beyond measure
I don’t want to see
A world where you can’t be
With you my life is better
Like water in the desert

I’ll spend my last sunset
With you
I’ll have no regrets
I choose
To spend my last life here
With you

In the winter storms you’re
The one who keeps me warmer
When you hold me closer
The time, it goes much slower
And our love grows stronger
Even with our faults or
Arguments we lost and
Even with the problems
With you life is simple
You give so much to live for

I’ll spend my last sunset
With you
I’ll have no regrets
I choose
To spend my last life here
With you

No matter the season
Or the reason
Your love, it keeps pleasing
You make me believe with
Just a little squeeze and
You make my heart keep on beating
I feel like I’m dreaming
And you’re all I’m seeking
I promise I’ll never be leaving
You
What I wouldn’t
Do

I’ll spend my last sunset
With you
I’ll have no regrets
I choose
To spend my last life here
With you
To spend my last life here
Will do

 

Commentary:

This song is not inspired by any real events, given that my wife left me fairly recently, but I had the idea for it, so I wrote it.  It must be nice to be loved this way.  I wish I’d loved her this way, but clearly I didn’t, or she’d still be here.

Moving right along…I see this song as a duet, perhaps with each person taking two of the lines in turn.  I’m sure someone more musically inclined could put it to music.  If anyone ever does put any of my songs to a tune, I’d love to hear it–this has always been about making the art for me, not recognition.  In the meantime, perhaps I need to learn to play an instrument…But thanks for reading.  Hope you enjoyed it.

Vanish

I awake in bed
Where you laid your head
Feeling nearly dead
From the words you said
So you’ve made it clear
You must disappear
Were you ever near?
Were you ever here?

So you vanish now
What was it about?
Was it really doubt?
Or did you just want out?
I can manage now
But the only sound
When you’re not around
Is the teardrops on the ground

Had a dream last night
That he loved you right
That’s the reason why
You are by his side
I don’t know the truth
I never had proof
Of the things you do
I feel like a fool

So you vanish now
What was it about?
Was it really doubt?
Or did you just want out?
I can manage now
But the only sound
When you’re not around
Is the teardrops on the ground

You just
Go like
A ghost
In the night
I think
It’s not right
But so what?
It’s your life
You wanted
More than me
Don’t make us
Enemies
We were once
Family
And this is
Our ending
So be it
Turn your back
Do your
Disappearing act

So you vanish now
What was it about?
Was it really doubt?
Or did you just want out?
I can manage now
But the only sound
When you’re not around
Is the teardrops on the ground