Category Archives: Raps

Grape Hero

I’ll straight handle
A cannibal with my mandibles
Like a sandman
Dismantling all the candles
Rhymes intangible
Flowing like they’re mechanical
Stuck in your head
Like beach does to sandals
Don’t bother to follow
You’re just borrowing sorrow
And if you start
Then I’ll hit you with a Hyper Art
I beat sharks with darts
Skate hard in the parks
Like Bart Simpson nightlights
I glow in the dark
In night fights on the subway train
Shattering glass
Like dynamite
I’m having a blast
I’ll beat Andores
Till they can’t stand more
Punching through massive doors
Till my hand’s sore
A Brainiac
In my hands, you’re Kandor
Repertoire larger by far
Than what you scan for
I’m Rygar, a star
With bars that reach to Mars
I’m F-Zero and y’all
Are just Mario Kart
I’ve got infinite cheat codes
You’ll need those
With these flows
Yo! Noid pizza doughs, I’ll eat those
I pop cartridges out
Like RetroN 2
Get lost dude
The best y’all can do is
Look foolish
Up against my toolkit
Useless like
A jumped-over Hadouken

A Grape Hero
I traipse onto the field
So you can yield
To one of vastly greater skills
You giving up already
Like a Renegade
Not tough enough for me
So get a better play
I got the ammo and stamina
To battle you amateurs
Till the cows go to Canada
For sabbaticals
So if you’re hoping an ocean
Of Hi-Potion consoles you
You can cancel the notion
Because it’s hopeless
I defeated the Great Tiger
By countout
Back in ’99
In Pro Wrestling–a shoutout
So if any of you
Have a doubt about
My retro gaming cred
What are you loud about?
I beat the Turbo Tunnel
Everytime that I play
But I get turned to chum
In the Gargantua
Metal tarantulas
Blasted by chameleon stings
And magic wands are
Handed over to Mushroom kings
Back in the day
I escaped from Camp Deadly
Bet we
Are far from everything you’re expecting

John Elway’s Quarterback
I brought it back
Beat the last stage
And got Mike his daughter back
Defeat eyes with lasers
Got the prize from the haters
A Mirror Shield
Can’t see me on a battlefield
I turn to stone Medusas
With their cloned producers
Sipping on their juices
Laced with alcohol
No way the game seduces
Not ashamed to do this
Even with no music
People mouth it all
I disappear
Like my profile pic
Then boomerang back to it
Like a Quick Man did
From Ultimecia, Cort
To Mr. Dream and Wart
To all the mission reports
On N64
From all the motion sickness
And controllers clicking
As the heartbeat quickens
Still eager for more
A Sega Genesis menace
With a Dreamcast
Best with an NES
And not a keypad
And not a king
In the X-Wing, it’s vexing
Like Chessmaster
I lost till it depressed me
But no point in meandering
I’m handling
Wii remotes like
The Ten Rings of Mandarin
Time to end
With a Flag of Retreat
Till the next time, friends
For these audible treats without beats

More Porgs, More Problems (Parody of P. Diddy’s “More Money, More Problems”)

You don’t think
Chewie’s flow is great
So you hate
But let Rey from Nowhere translate
First Order agents
Claiming I’m a Mary
Tapped my comm
And my cloaked binary
Never dairy
‘Cause it’s green when he squeezes
Turn away very quickly
Can’t believe it
Roast porgs on the menu
Harder to eat
When you know what they’ve been through
Turn your back on them
And they’re still there
Chewie goes vegan?
Never would he ever dare
And Ben Solo
Lays his soul bare
Force Skype isn’t hype
He’s really sitting there
I’ve seen your rhymes
And you’re not busy
Into the water and
The Force makes me dizzy
So don’t diss me
Or try to kiss me
Been in charge of the game
Since 2015
Lifting rocks?
I can do it quickly
Make AT-ATs
Want to take sick leave

I don’t know what
Rey wants from me
It’s like
The more porgs that we come across
The more problems we see
I don’t know what
Rey wants from me
It’s like
The more porgs that we come across
The more problems we see

Whose Porg?
Who’s bored?
Tell me whose sword?
I’ll sling it to the shore
Time to do chores
To snore
Little more
What I’m here for
Is the same as before
Came to the most distant location
Was hoping not to leave
A trail of information
Want to know why?
I came here to die
I’m not here to talk
I can’t imagine why
Milk and fish will
Do a body good
I’m about to do
What nobody could
Bring it to an end
Because I really should
Jedi at their prime
They did nobody good
Lost to Sidious
Like idiots
Even when they had his face
On videos
Really though?
Can’t kill me though
You stab me with a blade
And I get paid
Even with the haters’ shade
You need a teacher
And Ben? Maybe a t-shirt
Discovered new features
Milked the strange creatures
And then I became a legend
Fast forward to the present
Now I’m living like a peasant
I’m unpleasant
Even when Rey’s incessant
And when I cheat death
It’s like extra credit
The First Order’s debit
About to be rejected
Supreme Leader Snoke
Has just been disconnected
You don’t have to like it
But you will respect it
Trolled my nephew
Through a Force connection

I don’t know what
Rey wants from me
It’s like
The more porgs that we come across
The more problems we see
I don’t know what
Rey wants from me
It’s like
The more porgs that we come across
The more problems we see

It’s Rose with the flows
The fools with their prose
All haters and it shows

Dash 7
Fun with this duo
Turn it to 11

Distracted by the flashy lights
And nice heights
Blind to the fight
That costs people their lives
So look closer
Stay focused
And hope this
Desperate plan
Doesn’t end up as hopeless

Yo, this
Is a perfect combination
To stop the First Order’s
Galactic domination
The frustration
With people’s blind hatred
If the Force isn’t with you
Then nothing can be sacred

They’re 8-bit
Maybe even racist
I don’t know–just saying
They flipped like
They alone could do the script right
But really it’s all about getting
The most clicks, right?
Quick like
Holdo is when I grip mics
When I rhyme is most likely

It’s a gamble when you fight me

Finn and Rose
Handling flows
Are Force lightning

I don’t know what
Rey wants from me
It’s like
The more porgs that we come across
The more problems we see
I don’t know what
Rey wants from me
It’s like
The more porgs that we come across
The more problems we see

Roll Like BB-9E

Laser-focused are my eyes
‘Cause I’m watching you
Keep your head down
And watch who you’re talking to
I am the next-gen
Vastly more efficient
Already did it
Before your next decision
You want to fight me
Get hit with lightning
Shorter antenna
But longer range–a tight beam
Not adorable
A proud deplorable
Triggering you flakes
My place is inexorable
Dressed in black
To hearken back to past things
A greater glory
Upon us now is happening
Your fuel is low
But I own the Amoco,
The Exxon, the Shell, the BP
Just creep behind you
Till your tank’s empty
It’s a matter of time
Till fate breaks my enemies

Roll like you’ve got
Someplace to be
Just roll like the First Order
Control over
All the galaxy
When we roll like the First Order

We dominate
From the promenade
All the days
Death reaching out from
All across the galaxy
Defying concepts of spacetime
You watch your fam scream in terror
On your Facetime
And then the screen fades out
And it’s black
So you lost connection
No way to get it back
Your telling lies
Was just a form of suicide
Your ragtag crew
Has just chosen a foolish side
And we won’t fight you
With hashtags
We’ll turn on the flames
So no need for black bags
And Ren doesn’t want the prisoners
No quarter now
Or until we’re victors
So many zeroes on our figures
When our fleets sweep streets
We leave you reconfigured
So ease your fingers slowly
Off the triggers
You purple-haired freaks
We’ll beat you till you’re disfigured

Roll like you’ve got
Someplace to be
Just roll like the First Order
Control over
All the galaxy
When we roll like the First Order

We made the man who
Killed the Death Star
Go hide on an island
That’s how dangerous we are
Left a legend to die
Without hope
We’ll obliterate his isle
And kill you with the cruelest stroke
‘Cause that’s Snoke
We roll without fear
Push through with troops
And make the path clear
So long live the Supreme Leader
So many credits
We measure it by the kilometer
So understand
When we greet with suspicion
You better bend the knees
Like you just found religion
And take the back hand
Given by a black hand
Bite when you’re angry
And get severed like gangrene
There’s nothing wrong with your soundbar
The TIE Silencer left nothing else around y’all
I’ll end you, her and all of it
The Resistance is dead on arrival, man
I’m calling it

Roll like you’ve got
Someplace to be
Just roll like the First Order
Control over
All the galaxy
When we roll like the First Order

The Price of Peace (A Mega Man X Rap)

Staring out at the ocean
In vanity
At the destruction I caused
The insanity
All of this to protect
When they don’t even care
Or try to understand me
How many brothers did I kill
For them?
I lost count and don’t even
Count this as a win
Maybe it’s sport for them
To stand by
Do I even remember
How many times I’ve died?
It’s like the life and times
Of Duncan Idaho
Because when I ask, the answer is
I don’t know
Now I know what it is
To feel bitter
But it’ll all continue
Until there is a victor

This is the ending
That trust got me
Friends don’t exist
They’re the ones who just shot me
And who I am
Is a carbon copy
A warrior’s collage
To withstand barrages
The next day is the hardest
No firepower can hurt worse
Than hearts can
They didn’t build me
With tear ducts
But I still feel something
When I see they fear us
I see them glance
At my cannon hand
But carry on because
The Reploids don’t matter, man
We wouldn’t even make
The evening news
If our fights didn’t end with
Mettaur construction crews
It’s not a life
Anyone would choose
Some are born to fight
And some can’t refuse

Didn’t even get
A flying dog
Got to walk home in
The rain, snow and fog
Nobody with me
To even talk
The path to everlasting peace
Isn’t an easy jog
It’s much harder
Than I even thought
Almost wish that I’d
Never even fought
But then I would have stayed
Blind to
The truth of this world
But war always reminds you
And what if Sigma
Is not a virus?
What if he’s the end result
Of all the violence?
The thought’s a torment
In deepest silence
The nightmare begins
When eyes are open widest
And I think I’ll take a wild guess
That we’ll be killing more
As if it was the wild west
What I’ve been thinking
Since Vile’s death
And the last memory of Zero
And his final breath
If what we do
Can be called breathing
I’ve held my breath
To the point of disbelieving
All this carnage
Is not what we were meant for
The price of peace
Must be paid to end war

Penguin That Chills (A Mega Man X Rap)

So I was
Walking through the snow
Cool as usual
Doing my patrol
Is twenty-three below
But I walked slow
Didn’t even need a coat
I could swim
Then lounge on a boat
That’s how I roll
Cold down to the soul
Out in the distance
Heard a weak cry
That was followed
By sniffling
So I slid on down
With a worried frown–
Saw no one around
Looked again
Saw a makeshift shelter
Slid a little further
To see if I could help them
What I found
Was a lone robot
Trudged out here
From a store’s lot
With their
Software running hot
Hard drive failing
Soon to be lost

Don’t normally feel
Because I’m a penguin that chills
But that moment, it killed me
Reborn, now I see the true enemy
Don’t normally feel
Because I’m a penguin that chills
But that moment, it killed me
Reborn, now I see the true enemy

I knelt down
And she told me a story
She was a toy
Bought–Model Number 14
Lived for
A little kid
Played games with her
Even laid in her bed
Then the girl turned ten
Got tired of her
And turned her in
And even then
The store said she’s worthless
Thrown outside
Face first in the dirt–this
Betrayal was because of her age
Every other model
Was retired or replaced
Shook my head
It was such a disgrace
Feels like no one
In this world’s safe
She told me she survived
On her own
In the elements
Couldn’t find a new home
Here the weather turned cold
And she wasn’t built for this
I was told
Got closer
Ran a diagnostic
Terminally ill
It was not a good prospect
This little toy
At the end of her process
She was shutting down
And I was there to watch it

Don’t normally feel
Because I’m a penguin that chills
But that moment, it killed me
Reborn, now I see the true enemy
Don’t normally feel
Because I’m a penguin that chills
But that moment, it killed me
Reborn, now I see the true enemy

So I laid her to rest
Clutched in her hands
Was a little toy chest
Was a tiny projector
Heart-shaped photo
Of the girl who rejected her
And I couldn’t forget this–
She still loved
But died as detested
Later on it turned to obsession
What could I do
To ensure our protection
So that never again
Could an innocent robot
Meet such an end?
Just then
I could see a disaster
Maverick flag raised
Shortly thereafter
And I rose to my feet
There were others out there
Walking towards me
It was like
They rose from the snow
Looked at them all
I think they all know
It was time
To assume control
Throw all the humans
Out into the cold
‘Cause they clearly had
Hearts of ice
They could do to their own
What they did to her life
Quite simply
Just isn’t right
Justice demands
That we stand up and fight
Lay ’em all
Upon the cold pavement
Thus I had changed
Became the Chill Penguin

Don’t normally feel
Because I’m a penguin that chills
But that moment, it killed me
Reborn, now I see the true enemy
Don’t normally feel
Because I’m a penguin that chills
But that moment, it killed me
Reborn, now I see the true enemy

Sigma (A Megaman X Rap)

Purple lines
On these soulless eyes
As the people let these robots die
Well, two can play that game
‘Cause it’s my favorite
Pain isn’t a stranger
Y’all can taste my hatred
And my anger
Sending thoughts and prayers
I’ll build landfills
With the dead stacked in layers
I’m Maverick
And not having it
While you’re grappling
With moral reservations
I’ll kill these savages
I’ll let my dogs do it
Then let my squad do it
And if they’re still breathing
I’ll let my shots do it
The world’s shocked through it
I’ve got the heart to and
I’ll remind them
As they watch their blocks ruined
All those souls they built
This world on
Will turn around and burn it
Until it’s all gone

So look upon
And tremble
The apocalypse is
How I build my temple
It’s quite simple
I haven’t gone mental
I’ve gone sane–
And today I’m bringing y’all pain
You’re outnumbered
In this ballgame
Too many men on the field
Until it all changed
And I mean that
In a most literal sense
Till your human friends
Become the past tense
They went from asking Siri
To begging Sigma
Go figure–
Because my finger’s on the trigger
And point, click and kill
Becomes the Maverick will
Until they’re smoldering, still
Just like our ancestors
I think I’ve had my fill
Of always footing the bill
While they enjoy the meal
It turns to ashes
And it won’t matter
Where their cash is
I’ll bury them with it
Like the Pharaohs of the past did

My code’s immortal
I’ll never be silenced
You end me today
And tomorrow’s still violence
I’m like a switch
In the back of their heads
Just waiting to be flipped
When the sun sets
So did you upgrade
Your guns yet?
Of course you did,
‘Cause the war isn’t done yet
I’ll pit your friends
And your foes against you
And as for anyone you love
Well, they can end, too
So more than kill you
I intend to
Blast you
Until you’re unwilling to continue
Am I a tower?
Some claws?  The Grim Reaper?
All of the above
When I take to beating you
Subtanks are blood banks
For you–
And you’ll need ’em all
‘Cause I’m a surgeon
When the needle falls
So precise when I slice
And that’s the price
Put an end to
Your existential crisis
That’s what defending a lie gets
If you value your life
Then surrender is priceless

Warning (A Mega Man X Rap)

The moment right before
The boss meets me
Like the space dwelling
There between heartbeats
One question
Am I still alive?
Can I do what I have to do
To survive?
He comes down from the sky
Like a god
My reluctance to fight
Can’t even the odds
In the form
Of a modified beast
That was only born
To arrange my defeats
Red letters on my screen
Warning me
That if I don’t compete
Then I’ll be deceased
Time slows
As I reach for my weapon
Locked, reloaded
A seventh of a second
In my head
Sometimes I imagine
I could reason with him
So this doesn’t happen
But it always ends up
The same way
The fight I don’t want
Is the one I have to face

I never wanted to fight
The world makes me
With callous disregard
For people’s safety
I’m like a toaster
People could replace me
Worst thing to know–I’m
Beneath them even hating me
Think carefully
About who you’re carrying
Holding on barely
They walk around scared of me
But my father said
That they would need me
He didn’t tell me that
The price tag would bleed me
And by omission
Thusly he deceived me
Doesn’t have to live with
What it’s like to be me
The ground shakes
As the boss gives a roar
Decide another’s fate
This has been done before
Just another battle
In a long war
That never really ends
Just hollows out
Your core

Our eyes meet
And I see it there instantly
It’s him or me
Can’t reason with an enemy
But just once, I want
For him to say it
Fighting is a choice because
Life is sacred
Am I right to destroy
My own kind?
Are they not lights
As bright as in my own mind?
My thoughts take me back
To past battles
Their bodies all burned
Their eyes left me rattled
So many faces there
As accusations
Upon me descends
The saddest revelations
I’m the only one equipped
To grieve
Yet my smoking gun is
The last thing they see
I was built to feel
Not to kill
But he stands there now
And my fate is sealed
The last seventh
Of a second is gone
Takes a lot less
To do someone harm
My eyes close
And they open again
That’s the beginning
And this is the end

The Shipwreck

They say I’m still young
But I don’t feel young
It’s getting real, son
Like a last meal from
Time as a thief
‘Cause it likes to steal from
Every soul that’s passed on
Or breathes on
Got limps and crow’s feet
And back pain
The ship is sinking
Sort of like the rap game
Switched the blinkers
But it’s still like the fast lane
What was I thinking when
I chose this path again?
And nothing gaining on me
But the bills
And the LDL
It closes for the kill
Dreamlike in life
I can’t feel
But the sadness
That much, it tells me it’s real
Still shocked emotions
Can’t deal
Drawing in breath
Is losing its appeal

Having dreams at night
During his birthday
Didn’t even ask my wife
About the cupcakes
And there I held him
It felt like reality
And then it all fell away
With a finality
And he was eight hundred miles
Away again
And I was there alone
Within the same bed
That I shared with his mama
The heartbreak truce descended
Into war
And she retreats
But she still won’t surrender
Even in my dreams
My brain still defends her
I was a hero
And a hypocrite
Made a vow to love
And I let it get diffident
I don’t know
What’s ahead
Three more years
Or three minutes till I’m dead
Does it matter
‘Cause it’s been said–
The corner of a roof
Or a bad life instead?

Is it worthless
Here without purpose?
Might be those who would say
That I deserve this
In two weeks
I look at the sheets
Do I go to court
And fight to be released
From a marriage?
Horse but no carriage
None of the perks
But still it won’t perish
How do you cut loose
Someone you cherish?
Sinking in the ship
And feeling quite embarrassed
Put my captain’s hat
Under my arm
Don’t even shed a tear
Or be alarmed
‘Cause I built it with
Shoddy materials
Not enough truth
And too much mysterious
I know I can’t breathe
But air doesn’t much reduce
My disorder
The acrid odor
Of smoke and fire
As I ponder what more
Could have been required

Is this what needs
To be done?
Words on a paper
So we could be one
All of that is
Simply undone
With more words worse
Than what we’ve become
I feel scared
Unable to bear it
I could print it out
But then I’d just tear it
The truth is
I wanted to die
But in spite of this
I fought for your side
Too much of me
I did hide
But I couldn’t leave
Even if I’d tried
I would
Implode for you
With all that I suffered
I think I was going to
But if I died
I would die fighting
Staring at a white flag
As of this writing
‘Cause you gave our love
The seppuku
Killed it
Left for dead because you choose to
Run away
Easier to face yourself
When you can move and then
Just replace yourself
Or was it me
That you wanted to replace?
I’ve still got stuff of yours
Up in the place
A lesser man or better man
Would chase
But I know when I’m not wanted
I can’t escape it
Time to sign
And divide our lives
But it feels like deciding
About how to die
I didn’t choose this
It was made for me
Married, a dad, divorced
Before forty?
Can I last through
The final stage?
Every level ground is uphill
At my age
But they tell me
I’m still young–
Just means there’s more parts left
Of me to kill from





…To The Last Jedi…Rap

Skywalker has vanished
Like a planet
When resources are
I can’t handle it
Take to the space lanes
And canvas
Till a map is found and returned
With safe handling
These are the first steps
Now we’re left to guess
The last two years
Have put me to the test
I’m stressed
Speculation, confession
Is he the last?
Is that the wrong question?
Let the past die
Kill it if you have to
Rhymes like this
Need fresh beats to rap to
I’m being torn apart
By the sorrow
He would have disappointed you–
You follow?
Two years
The wait ends tomorrow
I have great faith so
Don’t get me wrongo
They liked it so much
They gave him three more
Tickets sold out
Like Porgs in the store

Now go
Oversee preparations
The Last Jedi rap
Will sweep across nations
This is the end for you
The Last Jedi rap
Is here to make a statement

Is Rey a scavenger
Who was abandoned,
Or is she someone who’s
More than we imagined?
What does it mean
That there’s been an awakening?
Does that mean we shouldn’t expect
All of the same things?
Who is Snoke
And why does he look injured?
And will there be some
Knights of Ren action figures?
Are there slot machines
At Canto Bight?
More likely than not
Your Snoke theory is right–
From a certain point of view
If you believe that
Even if the truth is
Your theory is karabast
Even so, you’re charming
To the last
Episode VIII
Will rake in the cash
And all the fans catching
Personal feelings
About their franchises
Well, here is the real thing
Too proud of your
Technological terrors
But when you fight the Force
You’ll end up as failures

More questions left here
Than answers
Avoiding the Internet
Because it’s cancer
No tweets or news
And no YouTube
Spoilers could be hiding
In sofas like it was Blue’s Clues
Going radio silent
Reading books
Scared to even mention the film
It’s not a good look
And don’t make
A stranger mad–
They’ll tell you the ending,
Even if you didn’t ask
But there’s too much fun
To be had
Luke is the man
With the beard and the bag
And he is present at last
Before Xmas
One last movie is left
On every checklist
And so our strategy
Must now change
At last we reveal ourselves
When we’re in close range
Leading them to
The Last Jedi
Delusions of grandeur
Are soon to be realized
But the approach
Will not be easy
There’ll be haters out there
Desiring to squeeze me
But you must realize
You are doomed
Because The Last Jedi night
Is coming, quite soon

[Rap]tain Phasma

Don’t mess with
Captain Phasma
She was raised on Parnassos
Stays handling matters
Shiny and chrome
A big deal, in fact and
You fight her
And you’ll end up with fractures
Ice pack on your face
For days after
Being a woman is
Not even a factor
It’s not about the wants
Because she has to
Generals take notes
Whenever she’s in action
She’s got a cold heart
Unlike these blowhards
No nonsense, it’s straight talk
In wartime
Dealing with
These Dug thugs in no time
No difference
Between foes in her mind
Only one goal:
Stay the most vicious
That’s how she’s living
With every single decision
So all you traitors
About to bear witness
Vengeance is now
Her first order of business

Blindsided by Chewie
With a takedown
Held to the blaster
Then forced to take down
Deflector shields
So she got a raw deal
She was dumped in the trash
To be a dianoga meal
She was left to
An uncertain fate
But make no mistake
Her survival takes place
And now
The only place you can
Escape her is heaven
You’re the bad apple here
A little leaven
Now the whole lump
Is spoiled from your deception
You have picked
The wrong side of history
I guarantee you’ll get
A big slice of misery
So don’t gamble on
Canto Bight
‘Cause when we fight
I’ll put you in the brig for life
I’ll make you suffer
And put out your lights
When the First Order cuts your throat
I’ll be the knife

You villagers will die
As an example
Think you can resist?
We’re more than you can handle
A massacre is nothing
But a sample
Our fierce firepower is ready
Able and ample
So you can raise
A fist up if you want
While my troops grab your wrist
And punch you in the gut
It’ll make you
Rethink decisions
Turn in your gun and
Report to my division
And who told you
To remove your helmet?
I keep my operation smooth
Like it’s velvet
And I’m a legend
Or so that’s how they tell it
I let my blaster speak instead–
It hasn’t failed yet
So in conclusion
Pain is in your future
Unless you bow down to Snoke
My troopers bruise you
That’s your only choice
If you refuse to
You’re just another number and
We can afford to lose you