Tag Archives: The Force Awakens

V.A.D.A. (The Force Awakens Edit) (Rap Parody of Jay-Z song ‘Izzo (H.O.V.A.)’)

Chorus:

V to the izz-A
D to the izz-A
I’m not forsaken
In The Force Awakens
V to the izz-A
D to the izz-A
That’s the anthem
Get your metal hands up
V to the izz-A
D to the izz-A
Don’t be hatin’
On BB-8 and them
V to the izz-A
D to the izz-A
That’s the anthem
Get your metal hands up

It’s half a helmet
Skeletal reality
I may be dead
But I achieved immortality
Heroes grow old
But they never retire
Especially not
When there’s still an Empire
Take it from a man
Who’s twice been through fire
More than just skill alone
Is required
I climbed back off of
The funeral pyre
Because I’m the only one
In this game who still inspires
Kylo Ren
Watchin’ hens in this wolf house
I’m everything and far more
Than what you heard about
They might say
There’s no more to be said
And the saga is over
Because Darth Vader’s dead
Thirty years later
I’m still stacking bread
I couldn’t finish counting it
Had to go to bed
But I can’t sleep
It’s more like meditation
The pain is incredible
The dark side is medication
And I break out
My PlayStation
I’m a teras kasi master
I’ll kick your face in

(Chorus)

So I
Pass the torch
And I find it
Most fortunate
My son is still strong in the Force
And that’s important
No time for caution
I’m back out the coffin
I’m so good you say
We should do this more often
We can make it
A Star Wars Weekend
Wake up to see
The twin suns and sleep in
Watch me tangle with
Kanan and the Rebels
And ain’t none of them
Even halfway on my level
I trained Ahsoka
To be a saber toter
I’ve got no patience
For haters and young voters
We reorganized
To make a safe society
And rebooted the game
And gave it more variety
I’ve brought peace and security
To my Empire
No such thing here
As a right to survive, so
Too much thinking
Gets you sighted with rifles
When curfew is up
You better silence your lights, bro

(Chorus)

This year
Your Christmas gift’s a week early
It’s in the form of
Movie tickets, now, you heard me?
It’s Finn and Jake
And Edgar Allan Poe–
Oops, Finn and Rey
And Poe Dameron, whoa
J.J. Abrams came up
To save them
Like Luke did to me
I found it most brave of him
To face the challenge
In this age of information
Where one tap of phrases
Can paint you as Satan
Or have ’em laughing at you
Like Jason Bateman
While the perpetrators wait
In the safety of their basements
But fans are waiting
In rain on the pavement
To see the greatness
That they will embrace again
A great day
For the faith that was wavering
It’s eight more months
Until The Force Awakens
And I won’t add
An additional statement
Put this anthem on
In your ships with the bass, man

(Chorus)

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The Force Never Slept (A Rap)

I laugh when I think about
The Star Wars questions
I used to have
Back before ’97
Used to think
Shadows of the Empire
Was a movie
The video game inspired me
And it moved me
Little did I know about
The love affair
The passion and addiction
That already started there
And then my mom brought home
Three VHS tapes
History was written
From then on, it was great
Completely changed up
My whole philosophy
And reexplained all of
The great old mythologies
It got me to read
A few more anthologies
Even helped me to question
My theology
I watched A New Hope
The Empire Strikes Back
Return of the Jedi

Six times
And I liked that
And that was back
When those tapes were borrowed
About a hundred more viewings
Were soon to follow
And soon enough, man, guess what?
I bought two copies
So in case one of those tapes broke
It wouldn’t stop me

The Force Awakens
We’re bringing the best
What you heard is mistaken
The Force never slept
It’s daybreak and
It ain’t in the bed
What you heard is mistaken
The Force never slept

It’s easy for some
To hate on the Prequels
But believe me
I was never one of those people
See I went on each opening night
I heard ’em clappin’
And then I see the strangest sight
Their gums are flappin’
About Jar Jar this
And Anakin can’t act
And George Lucas should quit
And take his films back
And he didn’t care about
The story at all
He gave no thought at all
To making Darth Maul
Now I’m not saying
That the movies were perfect
Far from it
But to me, every second was worth it
Look, I don’t think
I like sand, either
No surprise that they left that line
Out of the teasers
And no, Jar Jar wasn’t
The greatest feature
But I don’t believe Lucas
Is a racist either
Hmm, turns out
He married a black woman
I guess the Jar Jar haters
Didn’t see that one comin’

The Force Awakens
We’re bringing the best
What you heard is mistaken
The Force never slept
It’s daybreak and
It ain’t in the bed
What you heard is mistaken
The Force never slept

How come no one speaks of
Liam Neeson
And of how the Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn
Became the reason
Of how one man
Who merely showed compassion
Ended up changing everything
Because of his actions?
Am I the only one
Who thinks McDiarmid
Deserved an Oscar nom
The way he played his part in
Revenge of the Sith?
He was like a twisted grandfather
Killed it so well
He could be charged with manslaughter
And yes, I have a crush on
Natalie Portman
She could make every word she said
Sound important
And even when the man she loved
Became a torment
Her love for a Sith
Is one we’ll never forget
They deleted some of her best scenes
She was the angel of Anakin’s dreams, dude
(And mine too)
Nobody talks about
One other fellow
His name’s Obi-Wan Kenobi
Ewan McGregor
Main man held it down
He kept it steady
Buzz cut, beard and brown mullet
Dude was ready
Graying at the temples
But still in his thirties
By no means afraid
To thrill and get his hands dirty
And at the end of it all
We all felt his pain
As he stared down in horror
At his brother’s remains
I could go on
But my point is made
It wasn’t just special effects
And Lucas gettin’ paid
People are sayin’ that
The Force Awakens
If you think it ever slept
It is you who are mistaken

The Force Awakens
We’re bringing the best
What you heard is mistaken
The Force never slept
It’s daybreak and
It ain’t in the bed
What you heard is mistaken
The Force never slept

I’m just saying
Try to be optimistic
When something new comes out
Don’t be so quick to dismiss it
And instead of making assumptions about it
Try to listen
And don’t assume that great entertainment
Is a given
It takes dedication,
Good fortune and talent
It takes Luke to show us
A different way than violence
People who immediately hate
I meet with silence
J.J. and gang
Will bring it back to balance
In the meantime
It’s new novels and it’s streamlined
Inspiring new generations
To dream high
Remember it was Lucas himself
Who set the beam high
And gave us a new hope
Back when we were knee high
Who gave us awe
When we saw the X-Wings fly
We saw them fly straight into battle
Against the mean TIEs
It’s what people writing today
Will build their scenes by
It’s on the list of movies
That should be seen by
Every single person alive
Before we die
And I suggest seeing each of them
At least twice
The time before Episode VII
Will soon speed by
And we can look forward again
To seeing the screen wide
To seeing Luke and a new gang
Take on the mean side
So please try to give ’em a chance
Let’s let the team rise

The Force Awakens
We’re bringing the best
What you heard is mistaken
The Force never slept
It’s daybreak and
It ain’t in the bed
What you heard is mistaken
The Force never slept